mardi 2 mars 2004

Called to... something

I've been feeling for the last few years of my life that God has placed a call on my life to do something big. I don't know what it is, and it's driving me crazy that I can't figure it out. I am more than willing to obey, yet I have no idea where to start. It's even worse for me when I have friends who know what they need to do but they're reluctant to follow through with it, because I have the opposite dilemma where I will do whatever God wants me to do but I don't have any clue!

Am I the only one who feels this way? I'm sure there's others out there who also bear this burden. Oh, and by big, I don't mean big in terms of how the world measures it (riches, fame, etc.). By big, I mean an impact for the kingdom of God, in whatever manner is Christ-honouring and pleasing. And yet, I've never felt more stuck than I do now. I have no visible skills and I would love nothing more than to remain anonymous and behind-the-scenes, happily working away in the background serving others. So why do I have this inane feeling that I'm supposed to do more?

I keep wondering if it's missions because I'm taking this excellent course about it right now and I always think in the back of my head, "There's no way anyone can take this class and not make use of it somehow." And I know that if I'm called to anywhere in the world, I will do what I can to go there and minister. But where? And how? It's a frustrating adventure, but if I want to obey God, I need to trust Him as well. I'm ready for it, Lord.

"It's adventure that we want
And it's what we’ll fin'lly get
There's nothing safe about You
But sometimes I forget
So lead me into the wide world
Don't let me miss my chance
'Cause I'll blink and it'll be over
And I won't pass here again."
- Erin O'Donnell, Wide Wide World

* I wrote a bit about this a few months ago. And I wrote this whole post last night and forgot to publish it :)