lundi 16 juin 2008

Delayed response

So I'm back in Quebec for the third summer in a row and it has been quite interesting. The biggest thing to come out of this experience so far has been the discovery that this is not where God wants me to move, either now or in the near future. It was a difficult decision to come to but I'm grateful that I've made it, especially since I've been praying since graduation about what to do with my life.

Although I've very much enjoyed being here and seeing my friends on this side of the country, I am homesick like crazy and am extremely anxious to head back west. I've never encountered this feeling before, so in a sense, I feel as if God is closing the door on Quebec in my life (not that I'm solely basing my decision on feelings but it's a definite sign). I will continue to pray for the province and the people but I no longer have the desire to be physically present in order to do that. I'm not sure why it took me such a long time to realize this but it sure leaves me with questions about why I'm still here for a few more weeks.

Out of all of the summers I've spent here, this one has been the most scheduled and rigid, making my days not quite so pleasant. Dorm life has been the worst due to the lack of privacy and noise, and I am awaiting the day when I will return home. I've been incredibly grumpy and having five hours of class everyday (with some days going to six-seven hours) is making me fidgety. I really hope that my attitude hasn't affected anyone that I've been spending time with lately; I don't want to be a grumpy complainer.

The reality is that this has been a hard time and it's something that I've brought on myself, so I have to learn how to deal with it. It's been good for drawing closer to God (which is always great) and for seeing how I cope with stress and less than favourable circumstances. So far, I have a long way to go in responding positively but I suppose I should be encouraged that I will come out of this with a stronger character than when I first started.

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