lundi 5 mars 2007

Back and scrambled

It's been over a week now since I've returned from Montreal but my mind has been so scattered that I haven't been able to write anything. I feel like I'm still all over the place, even though I'm confined to my desk chair at the moment.

It was so lovely to see all of my friends again and to be a part of their lives, if only for the end of February. It's always so heart-wrenching to leave them, and I long for the day when I won't say farewell as often. My heart is truly in Montreal and I am waiting to see what God will do with that, especially since He gave it to me in the first place! :) I have to believe that my not being there right now will serve a purpose in preparing me to be there one day. I also have to be careful that I'm not just living in the past or the future - both involving Montreal - but that I'm fully living in the present for the glory of Christ, no matter where I am.

And seminary..! I'm not as diligent as I should be and I'm having a hard time keeping up the motivation. It's hard not to become discouraged amidst all the tasks that bog me down. While I enjoy school and learning, I wonder if there's a point where the brain just needs a minor break. One of my best friends encountered this problem last year when she was counting up all the years she was in school and lamented that her Master's was driving her crazy. I may be at that point, and I'm only a semester and a bit into it, how sad!

There's something about the seminary environment that can do this though. Some of my professors have commented on how challenging it can be not only to our lives but also our faith. I recall hearing a brief message in class about seminarians who have become so wrapped up in the academic world of Christianity that they either become skeptical and leave the faith or they neglect their walk with God and are basically no longer living the "Christian life". It's a terrible reality and I really need to guard myself against this.

Unfortunately, I can see how things have taken a toll in the last couple of months. My Bible reading has been reduced to homework assignments (it'll be nice to finish most of my Bible requirements this year!) and my ministry also to homework. I'm praying that God will help me get out of this slump - that my love for the Word and for serving Him will be revived. I really do want to make the most out of where I am since I have another year after this. At the same time, my internship this summer is going to be like a spring of fresh water to this parched student! Oh right.. I should be focusing on my current studies; daydreaming comes later :)

"Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body." - Ecclesiastes 12:12b

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