mercredi 5 mai 2004

Smatterings of failed attempts

Well, I've been in a strange mood all week, despite the fact that I'm taking one of the best courses that could possibly be offered. The prof for this class is quickly becoming my all-time favourite prof, just because he is one of the few that has actually challenged me, spiritually, academically and personally.

I have an interview next week for the job I applied for, which is glorious news because I don't think I'll be getting this other internship at church. I'm praying that I get the first job because I have felt so alienated from the youth staff and because I no longer have the passion for youth ministry.

In fact, I'm almost 100% certain that I'll be switching out of the youth ministry program at college. As far as leading a small group, I don't know if I want to continue either. This has been my third year and by far, the worst. My kids don't seem to care about it anymore and not only are they disruptive during meeting times, I think they've lost all if any respect they've had for me in the first place. There are a few exceptions in my group but it seems the majority of them don't want to be under my leadership.

I haven't told anybody how I'm a complete failure with my small group since none of the youth staff has talked to me about it in the last few months and because I'm ashamed that my youth won't listen to me or treat me with respect. I still love them no matter what, but if they are rejecting everything I say or do, there's no point of me sticking around. They're in high school now and are fully capable of making their own decisions. If they want to ignore the small group and me, then I can't bend their arms about it.

Why oh why did I think I was called to youth ministry? I'm clearly the wrong person for it. I hate to say this, but I'm doubting whether I would be 'successful' in any ministry.

*On a much happier note, happy birthday Michelle!

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