dimanche 14 mars 2004
Oot and aboot
Huh, I just woke up after falling asleep in the middle of reading something that "has terrified and chilled readers since its first publication in 1818." Hmm, not really, not yet anyways.
I am extremely behind this semester and I've really dropped the ball on everything. I'm unsuccessfully juggling six classes, yearbook, youth work, video stuff and taking care of my mom. Since she's come home from the hospital, I've been no help at all. I've been attempting to catch up with all of my assignments instead of being with her, and I feel horrible. I'm just hoping that this weekend, I can work on my assignments and be done with them finally.
I have great news though. Due to my constant busyness in the last few months, I haven't spent any time reading the Bible at all. Well, that's probably one reason why I've felt so stagnant lately, but I'm back into reading and studying it now. It's strange that when you're not reading it, you can actually experience a withdrawal.
And the thing that I'm not happy about is that even though I'm taking twelve classes this year, none of them are Bible or theology courses. My favourite class to this day was the course I took on the intensive study of the Gospel of John, which makes me want to go see this even more since the script is based word-for-word from the Good News Bible. At least I won't have to worry about any mystical interpretations added in ;)
I do have to say that even if Jesus did not have a British accent, it'll be fun to hear it here. British accents are wonderful. Haven't heard it coming from the Saviour, but there's a first for everything. It'll certainly sound a lot more glamorous than the Canadian accent right?
vendredi 5 mars 2004
Not just Jello
Mmm, hospital cafeteria food is actually quite good. My favourite meal is beginning to be a takeout box full of crinkled fries, covered with thick, but not-too-thick gravy. I'm trying to make it there everyday but parking is pretty expensive. My mom is doing better and she's regained a lot of her strength. What a trooper, I love her. Thanks for your concern and prayers :)
Libellés : cancer
mardi 2 mars 2004
Life part two
Today was a long day. I ended up skipping classes, a dentist appointment and a chiropractor appointment to be with my mom at the hospital. Ha, it was a long day because I ended up memorizing the layout of the wing in no time. I needed to be there, letting her know that I was praying for her and that I love her. Her operation took a few hours, more than was expected, and her recovery time seemed that long as well. I'll be doing my best to visit her everyday she's there, but it'll be tough on Thursday when I have classes all day. For the first time at college, I have not handed something in on its due date, but really at this point, it's the least of my worries. We later found out from the doctor that the radiation did not completely get rid of my mom's cancer, so the surgeons had to remove more from her body during the operation. This means that my mom will have to adjust to a new way of life now, and my dad and I will have to help her. By the way, my parents just celebrated their 28th anniversary last week :) I really saw sacrificial love in action today just watching my dad interacting with my mom. It was so selfless and... I'm thankful that my parents are such a wonderful example of marriage and faithful commitment for me. Praise God for that.
Libellés : cancer
lundi 1 mars 2004
Last of the treatments
I just sent out an update to my church and friends about the latest with my mom, so I thought I'd ask for your prayers as well. She is going for surgery tomorrow so that her cancer can be removed. Please pray for healing on her part and wisdom for the surgeons. If you could also pray that I would be able to handle whatever's to come with the help of God, that would be great. It's been pretty trying so far and I fear the outcome of what will happen after this. Above all, pray for God's will to be done.
Thank you!
Libellés : cancer
lundi 9 février 2004
Beyond a fine, thanks and you
Just going through a lot of cruddy stuff right now. My mom is getting brutal side effects from her last week of chemo, which we didn't expect because we were told her last week was in January. Turns out they give more chemo if someone is healthy enough (a mixed blessing?) and now she's being prepped for her surgery in less than a month to have her cancer removed. We're dealing with all this junk from the government and I hate that I have to be the liaison for it. I'm also going through this really, really stupid thing that happened a few weeks ago and as it turns out, I need to go to the police for it. I'm losing my temper more than ever and I'm taking it out on my family. My family! Of all people; I am the crummiest daughter! On top of that, I've been so busy with everything that I have not had time to even read the Bible in months now. I feel like a horrible life group leader to my kids. I have a million errands to run. I've spent zero time on my field lab. I'm behind in all my assignments; I have deadlines to meet and everyday I feel like I'm on the verge of a meltdown.
I dislike using my blog as a place for verbal diarrhea and complaining, but this is what's happening in my life. I feel like everything's been turned upside-down and I can't tell anybody because that's more than enough to fit after a "How are you?" How do I tell people my life is insane without evoking pity from them? I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I know that life gets to be this way sometimes and that God will help me get through it. I just want to stop putting up a fake front before others, pretending that everything is okay.
"Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord;
O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy....
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning."
- Psalm 130:1-2, 5-6
I'll stop my whining right here :)
Libellés : cancer
mercredi 7 janvier 2004
What will it take?
On the suggestion of Tracy, I think I will get !HERO for my kids to listen to. It's a rock opera about what would have happened if the Messiah had been born in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania today rather than in Bethlehem 2000 years ago. Sounds like it'll be good.
I keep forgetting to update people on how my mom is doing. Well, she's doing a lot better. She still has some side effects that come with chemo, but her tumour has shrunk! Her treatments end this week and with a few appointments next month, she'll be able to go for surgery in March to get rid of the cancer completely. Praise God that the cancer is going away! My parents still have hardened hearts towards God, and this situation hasn't brought them any closer, so I worry more and more each day about them. It's not the cancer that is scaring me, it's that my parents keep rejecting God, even in the face of cancer. I worry immensely that something even more horrible will have to happen before my parents start to accept God.
Libellés : cancer
vendredi 26 décembre 2003
Happy Boxing Day!
Wow! I just want to say thank you to Michelle for sending me a handmade scarf! It looks beautiful and it was such a great Christmas surprise! I love it and I'll be sure to wear it when it's snowing around here. I used to end up getting lots of tiny trinkets as gifts in high school. But it's so much nicer now because I get gifts I can actually put to use. My best friend ended up getting me something I've needed for so long and it is so nice! I feel so very blessed! Thanks you guys!
Friday Five:
1. What was your biggest accomplishment this year?
Hmm, getting a 4.0 GPA :) Figuring out what program I'll apply for next year. Working at the Vibes. Lots!
2. What was your biggest disappointment?
That my mom got diagnosed with cancer. That put a damper on my year.
3. What do you hope the new year brings?
Physical healing for my mom. And that my parents' hearts will be softened to God.
4. Will you be making any New Year's resolutions? If yes, what will they be?
I always try to make them, but I never actually follow through with them. But for next year, I'd like to read through the Bible again and to get back into shape now that my knee is doing better.
5. What are your plans for New Year's Eve?
I don't know. I'm not sure if there's anything planned for youth that night (I don't think there is), so I might just spend the night at home.
I never go shopping on Boxing Day; it's utter chaos! If you did, I don't know how you possibly survived it. Remember that Christmas is more than just material possessions and sales!
Libellés : cancer, Friday Five
dimanche 14 décembre 2003
I'm back!
It's been such a discipline for me this last week to not blog. Granted, I still replied to comments and commented on other peoples' blogs, but it was pretty tough on me. It did help me to devote more time to studying for my finals though (as I should have been doing). So, as you can see on the checklist below, I only have 1 final exam left and my youth resource files to finish. Then I'm free...!
This means I'm a bit late with my Friday Five:
1. Do you enjoy the cold weather and snow for the holidays?
Winter has always been my favourite season, with the glittering snow and the crisp frost in the air, but now that I drive, I like clear streets more :)
2. What is your ideal holiday celebration? How, where, with whom would you celebrate to make things perfect?
My ideal holiday celebration... well, my Christmas is never complete without our annual youth Christmas parties and our life group Christmas parties now. My perfect Christmas celebration would be when my parents become Christians and they understand the true meaning of the season, so that we could all celebrate the birth of Jesus together as a family for the very first time.
3. Do you do have any holiday traditions?
We usually put the tree up every year, but this year, with my mom feeling sick and all, we haven't been able to. Umm, I also need my annual supply of Ferrero Rochers :)
4. Do you do anything to help the needy?
The youth has a Seed Christmas dinner every year and I usually go to those, but I missed this year's to spend time with my mom. I also try to put together the Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes but I always miss the deadline, so this year, my life group and I tried Operation Backpack. I would love to do more for the needy, but it shouldn't be limited to just the Christmas season.
5. What one gift would you like for yourself?
I don't know. I have everything I would like already (I'm a very blessed person, thanks God!). I guess I would just like for my mom to get better and for her cancer to disappear completely.
Libellés : cancer, Friday Five
lundi 8 décembre 2003
"So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu"
Checklist for this week:
- Radiation appointments with mom
- 3 final exams
- Philosophy research paper
- Youth resource files
- Major English paper
- Dentist appointment
- Life group Christmas party
- No social life (ha! This is always true)
So in other words... I won't be posting much! I need a break anyhow. Blogging has taken over a chunk of my life and I need to spend more time with God. I'll be taking a short break this week (I'll still respond to comments though) and coming back with a vengeance (not really) next week. If you're bored now, you have a few options:
1. Read the archives :)
2. Comment on old posts (please do!)
3. Go to my blogroll and get some good reading in
I want to say thank you so much for reading my blog. I appreciate the time you take to read what I write and to even comment on a lot of them. It means a lot to see people react to what I've posted. And I love that I've gotten to know so many of you through this - you are all such fantastic people and you really encourage me as a Christian. God bless and I'll be back on the 14th!
Libellés : cancer
samedi 6 décembre 2003
Much to say - part 2
Some more stuff I didn't cover in my last post.
Let's see... I received an email from Starfield about their CrossCanada tour. It's the biggest tour in the band's history and it's hitting even more Canadian cities! It's kind of their farewell tour to us as well before they do extensive US touring. So Americans, be on the watch for this up and coming group and go to their shows!! I'll make a list in my side column about what cities they're hitting and when.
Speaking of concerts, I worked at my school's Christmas concert a few nights ago. Loads of fun and it was great because I got to sit in the "Green Room". Oooh. And I had my last day of classes yesterday! Now I only have four finals (and one that won't affect my mark if I do badly but will boost it if I do very well). My mom went through her first week of radiation and chemo and now has four weeks left to go. I'll be even more stressed this week because of that but it'll get better once I'm out of school. She's still really weak but she did not have a major reaction against the chemo, which was a good sign (a reaction to the side effects of the chemo I mean). Thanks for praying everyone!
Man, I wish I had the discipline that Travis has. I can't believe he taught himself all those computer and networking skills that got him a job! Well I guess it's not that hard to believe :) It sure does encourage me to get off my behind and learn some new skills though! I mean, I got my guitar a few months ago and still have not learned to play it. Currently, it sits in my room nicely next to my bookcase, making itself secure in its little home. Eh, maybe over Christmas break, I'll actually sit down with it and pretend to play it.
I also want to learn more CSS and HTML stuff so that I can make this blog look the way I want it to look like. I just want the little "Done, but with errors on page" message to go away. I don't know what I did to get that comment but really, I'll do whatever it takes for it to leave! Just make it go away....
Libellés : cancer
mercredi 3 décembre 2003
It's December??
Is it possible to be sick of Christmas music already?! Seriously, 24/7 holiday music on the radio is great a week before Christmas but an entire month? If I hear Elvis Presley's "Blue Christmas" one more time, I will lose my mind!
I spent seven hours today working on yearbook. Not doing pages, mind you, but getting absolutely everything ready to go so that the yearbook can be finished by the end of January. Thank goodness my committee is actually committed this year!
Scott wrote a really good post on changing our minds and habits during December. I was challenged and I think as hard as it will be to carry out, it will be worth it in the end.
A lot of people who have been stopping by my blog lately have been looking for information on the McDeal of the Day. Here's the link to the post I wrote about that so you don't have to go searching all over: McDonald's Daily McDeal.
I ran into one of my friends today and asked her what was new. Usually, when people respond to that, it's in the form of "oh nothing" or "not much, just life". Nope not with my friend, she answered, "I'm getting married!" Uh... okay. That took me by shock (considering it only happened in the course of a few weeks)! Although I have to say I'm not surprised anymore. I'm getting desensitized to the whole bridal college concept now (even if she was an exception).
Well, here's a snipet of what I'll be working on on Thursday:
"Joy, Joy" - 1 solo - IMAG - 3/4 lights on C/O, full up on choir entrance
"Joy!" - 1 solo - IMAG/juice - Full lights on Choir and Orch
"Little Drummer Boy" - Juice - Full lights on Choir and Orch
"O Little Town of Bethlehem" - PPT - 3/4 lights on C/O
Doesn't that look fun? ;)
Anyways, my mom went in for her first treatment today. It was an eight hour day for her. I'm praying that her cancer will stop growing and that the tumour will shrink so that she can have surgery. It's been rough on me lately, especially since I'm taking her to and from all her treatment sessions. I really want to finish this semester well and have Christmas break come. I'll be spending a lot of time at the hospital in the next few months. If you know of some must-read books, let me know so that I'll have something to read as I wait there. Please keep praying for us and for my parents' hearts to be softened to the love of God. Thank you.
"God does nothing on the earth save in answer to believing prayer." - John Wesley
mardi 25 novembre 2003
Frailty
I am so scared. I know I shouldn't be, but all I can see before me is fear. My mom seems to be getting weaker and weaker everyday. We have passed all the planning stages and she'll be starting chemotherapy and radiation next week. I don't know what to do. I need her here, with my family. And most importantly, I need for her to find Jesus and finally have that peace she has been searching for her whole life. I'm terrified because I'm not in control, and neither is my mom. The only One I can find faith in is God, who has everything under His control. Each day, reality sinks in deeper and deeper. My faith is unshakeable, but right now, I find it difficult to turn to it. There is only so much I can do and the majority of that is in prayer. I need to cling to God even more now. Yet my natural instinct is to cry against Him and run from His presence. Lord, help me and my family.
When they came to the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and the teachers of the law arguing with them. As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him. "What are you arguing with them about?" he asked. A man in the crowd answered, "Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not." "O unbelieving generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me." So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth. Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?" "From childhood," he answered. "It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us." " 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
- Mark 9:14-24
Libellés : cancer
mercredi 19 novembre 2003
Indecisiveness
Class was cancelled this morning, so I got to sleep in! Unfortunately, I had to change my appointment with the registrar to tomorrow. I still have no idea what I'm going to do with my classes. I want to graduate this year but am wondering if I should take next semester off to spend time with my mom to help her recoup. My best friend did mention the possibility of taking correspondence courses from other colleges so that I can still graduate but be at home at the same time. I guess I'll discuss it with the registrar and I'll see what I need to do.
I need to write a persuasive essay tonight for English class. So far I'm torn between writing about pseudo-Christian music and megachurches (thanks to the latest discussion). I suppose I'll figure something out!
Libellés : cancer
samedi 15 novembre 2003
Thanks for your prayers!
Okay, I had to change my permalink from a smiley face back to the number sign. Why? Because I was checking my page ranking on Google and the smiley face was right after the post I wrote about my mom being diagnosed with cancer and it looked like I was happy about it (which, clearly, I am not and who would be?!). So I hope that will change pretty soon before I look completely horrible!
Thanks to everyone who has been praying for my mom and my family! It has been so incredible to see everyone who has emailed or called me express their concern for us. You don't know how grateful I am in seeing my church family and even strangers through this blog who have reached out and have offered to pray for her recovery. It's definitely a great witness to both my parents, who are not Christians, to see this. And thankfully, we've been able to find a personal care assistant for my mom who is willing to take her to all her radiation and chemotherapy sessions. I think she may be a Christian as well! I'm really praying that through this experience, my parents will come to know the Lord and see that He desires so much for them to come back to Him and that even through life's trials, He is there.
Libellés : cancer
mercredi 12 novembre 2003
What I least expected
This is scary. My mom was diagnosed with cancer today.
Libellés : cancer
lundi 27 octobre 2003
Mondays
I know I posted somewhere in here a few months ago that Mondays stink. They do.
- I got my first B today... in my best subject! (Okay you have to know that this is devastating to me! Apparently I write too complex and I need to simplify my sentences. Is this true? Can you see that in my blog? This is bugging me!!)
- I almost hit a jaywalker... so don't jaywalk!
- Found out my mom has to go for radiation next month, and that she's still in much pain. Please continue to pray for her!
Umm yeah, that's it so far. I sure hope this day doesn't get worse!!
Libellés : cancer
vendredi 24 octobre 2003
Acts 2
Wow, I've managed to not blog for two and a half days! Anyways, I suppose I should tell you who the guests were that graced our chapel on Tuesday! We had Peter Neumann and... Charlie Peacock! Isn't that awesome?!
Anyways, my mom went for surgery this morning and I want to thank everyone for their prayers. It's been so incredible seeing how much people have been supporting us, especially my church. I definitely feel like my church is the Acts 2 church, where everyone is genuinely concerned about each other. I am in awe at how much love people have been showing me so thank you!
"May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all."
- 2 Corinthians 13:14
vendredi 10 octobre 2003
Grounded in faith
I've been so down and out lately; sorry my blog's been a bummer to read. But today, after hearing our TA teach in class about the Mormon religion - somehow I felt so re-energized. That was one of the best lectures I've been to in my life. The fact that it was in Cults class seemed a little strange, but wow, talk about a way to get people back into the Word. I have an even stronger desire now to be so grounded in my faith in Christ and my thirst for reading the Bible has come back. I want to be absolutely sure of what I believe in so that I can never lose the foundation in my life. What a blessing my morning turned out to be!
Friday Five:
1. Do you watch sports? If so, which ones?
I barely have time for TV now. I used to watch the World Cup. And of course, the Olympics when it was on. I think the video editor wants me to watch football though so I can learn to be more creative for editing.
2. What/who are your favourite sports teams and/or favourite athletes?
Sports teams - go Stamps and the Flames! Athletes? I used to be really into figure skating when I was younger so I loved Kristy Yamaguichi and Michelle Kwan. I don't really follow athletes.
3. Are there any sports you hate?
Can't think of any. I'll get back to this when I think of one.
4. Have you ever been to a sports event?
Yep - I remember the first football game I went to with my youth group. My best friend and I had tickets in a different area and these old creepy drunk guys kept talking to us... eeech.
5. Do/did you play any sports (in school or other)? How long did you play?
I used to be on the soccer team - it was only for a year though. And believe it or not, I was in skipping club all throughout elementary school (is that a sport?). I was in badminton club too. Boy, I did a lot of stuff until I busted my knee playing basketball at the beginning of high school. Sadly, it still hurts like heck. I was going to be on the soccer team this year too but I'm way too busy with youth.
***
Oh yeah, please pray for my mom! She's been feeling really sick for so long now and next week, we're going to the hospital for some tests. Thanks!
Libellés : cancer, Friday Five
