Unquenchable Songs and Endless Praise

Half a year after

2010-12-10T16:04:00.002-07:00

I have to admit that this blog has definitely fallen by the wayside; however, I haven't minded the lapse too much. Life has been very good since the last time I wrote on here and I've been able to experience a lot of wonderful things! Along with a few trips out east, I travelled to the United Kingdom this summer and have had some great trips around my own province this summer and fall. Life in ministry has been ever-interesting and a constant journey of growth and adventure. Admittedly, this year has not been what I've expected but those are the most pleasant surprises, aren't they? Since I don't envision myself keeping this blog too updated, I'd like to wish anyone who randomly pops by here a merry Christmas filled with the joy and wonder of Christ's arrival!

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." - Isaiah 9:6

A season later

2010-06-04T20:38:00.004-06:00

Goodness, it's been quite a few months since I've posted on here; I think the commenting fiasco deterred me from writing anything until I figured it out (which I never did, as Andrew has pointed out to me). In any case, it seems like people can actually comment on Echo, so that's a strange and unexpected surprise.

I just saw that my last post was from four months ago. One of the reasons I've been largely silent is that I didn't know for sure if I would continue to have employment after February. It was a stressful time in my life but God brought me through it and I am still employed. I have much to be grateful for but also a lot to still process and work through, which will likely take a while.

Other than that, life has been ever-changing yet constant for me - I probably take these changes in stride and without much notice since my personality is pretty placid. I'm now involved in a ministry that I have avoided for eight years (ha! God has a good sense of humour) and it's been interesting. I'm also involved in the ministries of discipleship and hospitality at my church, both of which I've appreciated because they're such different activities than what I usually do.

As for this summer, I hope to travel once more although I won't know for sure until later this month. Right now, the myriad of ministry events that are coming up are consuming my time (tomorrow is my first day off after working 12 days in a row - yay!). One of the saddest things about this past year so far is that I haven't picked up a book in so long - what a shock to my system! However, I will concede that I would prefer being out with people rather than being cooped up; I suppose I won't be able to do the 100 book challenge this year so it's a good thing I accomplished that when I had time to do so :)

Comment confusion

2010-02-03T23:53:00.004-07:00

I'm none too pleased to read that Haloscan is going defunct and is requiring its users to pay $12/year for its replacement commenting system, so it looks like I will lose 1087 archived comments (although I've exported my comments, it appears I've also lost everything from between 2003-2006). It's unfortunate that nothing at this point exists to allow for a transfer of comments between Echo and Blogger, so I suppose my archives are now glaringly incomplete. I could manually enter the comments from 2006-2009 back into Blogger but in the grand scheme of things in life, I don't want to make the time for that.

As a result, I am immediately switching over to Blogger comments - which I should have done a few years ago when it was made available - and will remove Echo before the end of the month. In the very unlikely case that anyone will comment on here, please use the second commenting system instead. I'm sad that I'll lose this key part of interaction on my blog, especially one that has been with me for almost seven years but at least I'm hopeful that Blogger won't do the same thing to its users. The funny thing is that I've barely had internet access for the past month and just when I finally get it back, I have to receive news like this. Well, I suppose it is one way for me to write something on here! Another way of looking at it is that since I've already lost the comments from 2003-2006, losing the ones from 2006-2009 shouldn't be a big deal, right?

Undefinable

2010-01-03T16:27:00.007-07:00

So the first unnamed decade of the 2000s has passed and now we head into another one (would it be called the "10s" or the "2010s"?). I'm excited for what will come this year and a little nervous that I won't end up doing as much as I will want to. While I am forming a list of goals in my mind, I hesitate to voice them just yet as I don't want them to be mere resolutions that I'll quickly give up weeks into it.

I also want to keep it a small list so that I won't feel too intimidated as the year goes by. Last year, I had too many goals and the only ones I followed through on were reading a hundred books and being in the Bible on a daily basis. I'm still doing the daily Bible reading plan but I've picked a less intensive one for 2010 which I think will give me a bit of time to do more in-depth Bible studies/reading. I think that is one thing that I wasn't able to accomplish last year; while I may have read the Bible everyday, I didn't take enough time to meditate on it. My hope is that this year, I'll still have my daily reading but that I'll also take the time to really dive into the Word.

Another reason for my hesitation in making goals this year is that I have no idea what's ahead of me - personally and professionally. This year feels so undefinable whereas last year, I knew that it was the first year of guaranteed full-time work following seminary. I feel like I'm swimming in waters out of my depth... exhilarating at first but worrisome now. However, I know I shouldn't worry about tomorrow so perhaps this will be my first step in 2010 :)

Seven questions

2009-12-31T16:46:00.009-07:00

Inspired by this series of reflective questions on Michael Hyatt's blog, here are some of my responses to what life in 2009 has looked like for me:

1. If the last year were a movie of your life, what would the genre be?
Honestly, I don't know the answer to this (not a good start!) but I'd perhaps say one of those long-drawn out British miniseries where things move slowly and the conclusion is yet to come (for me, anyway).

2. What were the two or three major themes that kept recurring?
Everyday obedience; jumping into the unknown; simple pleasures.

3. What did you accomplish this past year that you are the most proud of?
Leading an adult mission team; surviving life post-grad; reading the Bible on a daily basis; meeting my reading goal.

4. What do you feel you should have been acknowledged for but weren't?
I don't feel that I should be acknowledged for this but I will admit that it was very challenging to fill in for my coworkers this year while handling my growing job responsibilities - that's not an experience I'd like to repeat this year (so far as it is possible, and if it must occur I would prefer that I'm not filling in for multiple people at the same time again).

5. What disappointments or regrets did you experience this past year? Where did you let yourself down? Where did you let others down?
I'm disappointed that I wasn't more disciplined with my exercise regimen. Another letdown for myself was having high expectations for certain things that were unrealistic. I probably let others down by my indecision and indirectness.

6. What was missing from last year as you look back?
More time with friends. More time resting in the promises of God instead of fretting. More risks. On a more positive note, I didn't have any skipped Bible-reading days which really made a difference throughout the year.

7. What were the major life-lessons you learned this past year?
Learning how to love God and others through small daily gestures - a challenge on most days I'll admit but wonderfully freeing at the same time. Rather than being worried about the big things, I've been focusing on how I can be faithful in the little things. Realizing that the sum of how I spend my days is what constitutes my life.

And now for 2010 - I pray it will continue to be a year where we can discover anew the goodness and faithfulness of God!

Christmas vacation

2009-12-18T12:01:00.003-07:00

Although I'm a fan of occasional white Christmases, I'm finding that this is too much snow for my liking. I don't think I've ever spent Christmas away from home but the temptation to leave this winter weather is increasing by the day. I'm still praying about where and when exactly I can go (if I can, for that matter) but it'll be wonderful to escape winter driving and having my car tires spin in the mounds of snow that have been building up. Even if I don't get to go somewhere, the nice thing is that I can stay at home and avoid going out. The irony though is that the weather is probably warming up just about now, so I probably had to go to work when it was at its worst. At least I'm off of work for now! :)

Update: Hurrah - I'll be able to spend Christmas away from the snow now :) Last-minute trips are always such a fun rush!

Book report

2009-12-17T10:40:00.005-07:00

It's taken three years but I can now happily report that I've met my goal of reading 100 books in a year, and have surpassed it as well! I'm going to continue recording the titles that I've read although I'm not sure if I'll subject myself to the same pressure of needing to read a certain number of books for next year. Overall, it's been a fun journey and it's been neat to see what my reading habits look like. This past year, I've read:

- 35 fiction books and 69 non-fiction books
- 67 Christian books and 37 non-Christian books
- 11 books on missions, 10 books related to work (with some overlap in missions as well), 12 books on theology/Christian living, and 5 books on leadership/ministry
- Lots of others on topics such as books (!), household management, organization, simplicity, frugality, fashion, finances, Canadian culture and interior design - an eclectic mix of things that have caught my eye at the public library

I'm excited to dive into a bunch of other titles that I've been saving for this book challenge, with the added bonus that I can go through them at a more leisurely pace now. If I could list a few of my favourites from this year, they would be:

- The Apothecary's Daughter - Julie Klassen
- The Discipline of Spiritual Discernment - Tim Challies
- Good News about Injustice: A Witness of Courage in a Hurting World - Gary A. Haugen
- Invitation to Lead: Guidance for Emerging Asian American Leaders - Paul Tokunaga
- Lady of Milkweed Manor - Julie Klassen
- Leading on Empty: Refilling Your Tank and Renewing Your Passion - Wayne Cordeiro
- The Missionary Call: Find Your Place in God's Plan for the World - M. David Sills
- Persuasion - Jane Austen
- Why We're Not Emergent (By Two Guys Who Should Be) - Kevin DeYoung & Ted Kluck

I've noticed a shift in the type of books I currently read compared to the ones I went through in college and seminary, the most noticeable being that I have gravitated toward more practical books. While I still enjoy books on theology and Christian thinking, I'm starting to take up books on Christian living. Next year's list might reflect this as well; now to get started on that!

Disappearances

2009-10-19T19:36:00.004-06:00

Silly me - I haven't checked this blog for months and lo and behold, my images have disappeared. I'm sad to say that it took me a bit of time to retrieve them too as I didn't save any of them to my computer in the first place. Oh well, lesson learnt; my blog looked far worse when I first started out (Wayback Machine can be a scary tool - I definitely cringe when I see how messed up my HTML was in the beginning!) so I'm not too concerned about a few missing pictures now.

In a way, I've disappeared as well. I've started journaling once again in real life and that has been one of the reasons for my absence, among others (which I don't need to elaborate on but includes the following: dial-up internet, a geriatric computer, and a crazy ministry life).

Not much has changed over the past several months since I've returned from my missions trip. I'm still very much enjoying ministry and putting out interesting fires here and there. The majority of my closest friends have either moved overseas or elsewhere so I've been a hermit this past year. I took a leap of faith this fall by getting involved in two ministries at my church that are new to me but I'm recognizing that my busy ministry activities are keeping me from doing too much and that I may need to cut back a little bit. One of my commitments ends in a few weeks so that will be nice!

I'm also anxiously looking forward to my holidays and although I've succumbed to the "staycation" trend as a result of finances, I know it will be so refreshing to slow down and take a break. I've been overworked for the past month and have gone two-three weeks without a day off, which I know is a warning sign to stop something somewhere. Thankfully, by November, this insane pattern will stop and life will return to normal.*

Thus concludes my brief post in which I assure my non-existent readers that I am alive and well :) I'm content in where I am at and I look forward to a full but not overwhelming schedule. Plus, it looks to be a warmish winter which always sits well with me!

* What is normal when you're in ministry? I know, rhetorical question.

Post-travel assessment

2009-07-21T13:15:00.004-06:00

Hello: open spaces, sunshine, towels that actually dry, clean clothes, and family

Goodbye: mold, daddy long-legs, living out of my luggage, delicious food, and really good friends

I'm home again!

Spooks

2009-06-08T19:48:00.004-06:00

Over the past several weeks, I have been immersing myself in the world of Spooks, and am currently on season four. Since I don't have BBC Canada and PBS airs the show too late for me to catch it, I've been watching the DVDs instead (which I can't complain about since the extra features are great!). I'm really enjoying this show but I notice that whenever I watch too many episodes in a row, my dreams are often bizarre and typically feature me running away or escaping from people; thus, I'm limiting my intake a little now so that I don't wake up feeling exhausted.

It's also starting to affect my thinking, which I wasn't aware of until I attended a conference last week where the speaker started talking about a file that the government has on him; my first reaction was "of course they do!" while a few others expressed surprise. I suppose we don't really hear much of CSIS here but I wonder what a Canadian version of Spooks would look like! Another sign that I've been watching too much Spooks: thinking that one of my pastors looked remarkably similar to Adam Carter and almost getting them confused with each other.

I'm glad I heard about this show a few years ago as I'm now hooked, although I first had to get past seeing some of the main characters as Jane Austen's heroes in television/movie adaptations (Matthew Macfadyen as Mr. Darcy; Peter Firth as Henry Tilney; Rupert Penry-Jones as Captain Wentworth) - this will probably be the case when I see Richard Armitage (albeit an Elizabeth Gaskell hero) in season seven as well. So far, the most hilarious character has been Jools Siviter (hey, he was in Sense & Sensibility; I'm sensing a theme here) but that only lasted for two episodes. Other than that, the storyline I'm most enjoying is the one between Adam and Fiona Carter - episode 3.10 was such a moving portrayal of a strong marriage, which isn't often seen on TV nowadays. The only frustrating thing about the show is that there is such a heavy turnover of actors/actresses that favourite characters don't always last that long!

Anyways, this show has been one of the reasons why I don't post very often so I thought I'd mention a little something about it :)

Bites and vows

2009-05-31T15:27:00.001-06:00

Finally, it's starting to feel like spring/summer! Unfortunately, this is usually precipitated by the worst mosquito bite imaginable each year, which often leaves a part of my body hugely swollen, in pain and at times, immovable. So that's what I experienced yesterday when I was chatting with someone in the parking lot for all of five minutes; it's officially the beginning of mosquito attack weather for me now.

Another sign that the seasons are changing is the appearance of weddings. I'll be heading to one in a couple of days and another one in August, so that'll nicely round out my summer. I'm finding that most of friends are married now so that's been helpful on my pocketbook... until they have baby showers, that is :)

And this has been a constant for me for the past four years but I'll be heading back to Quebec again this summer. I'm not sure how much longer this will continue but I appreciate the opportunity to go again. It'll be for a much shorter period this time around which means I can spend the summer at home and get around to the list I made last year!

Canadian evangelicals

2009-05-30T14:32:00.003-06:00

I heard about this documentary at work the day after it aired, so I'm hoping they'll rebroadcast it soon. Revealed: Hip 2B Holy takes a look at Canadian evangelicalism, so that should be interesting to see how the media portrays it. In one of the articles I came across on Tuesday, I found it funny to read that "there's nobody from western, rural Canada in this documentary", which probably means that there isn't anybody/anything from western, urban Canada either. While it'll be good to see how this movement is being reported on in Ontario, I'm wondering if there will be differences between evangelicalism in the East and in the West (primarily Alberta, since that's my context). I'm excited to finally see something like this hit the air, although it would have been great if I had it for my thesis last year :)

Around the sphere

2009-04-10T11:50:00.001-06:00

A couple of fun things that have popped up in my feed reader:

- These little books are not only pretty but also look to be fun and brain-stimulating.
- The Telegraph lists some of the lead actors that have been cast for Emma 2009! So now I'll have a third Emma to add to my collection... (HT: AustenBlog)
- Ooh, this is a great idea for charging cell phones! It's definitely a way to avoid having to purchase yet another gadget and you can recycle/reuse at the same time :)
- I don't edit videos anymore, but wow.
- And yet another handy tip from Unclutterer: coupon organizers.
- An interesting definition of seeker-sensitive churches - I'd like to think my church is maybe more seeker-friendly than seeker-driven. I think the word 'seeker' just looks funny now.
- I still don't know what to call my professors when I see some of them from time to time; glad I'm not the only one.
- A great April Fool's Day joke from the folks at Boundless, ahem Boundful... or should it have been Bountiful?
- Hilarious/great. I didn't know such a site existed (nor should I, I suppose).

Found in translation

2009-04-09T21:35:00.000-06:00

My French has deteriorated so much since I've left Quebec that I've been reduced to using online translators when I want to quickly write something on Facebook without having to think about verb conjugation and whether something is feminine/masculine. I know, how sad. However, I'm finding that Babelfish (formerly of Altavista, now Yahoo!) is getting increasingly impossible to use because it doesn't seem to recognize apostrophes! How silly is that?! As a result, I've finally made the switch over to Google Translate but the only thing is that I can't find an official Firefox add-on for it...

Goal tracking

2009-04-08T17:24:00.000-06:00

So here is an update on some of the goals that I've posted on here:

Fasting from unnecessary television: Most days are good; some aren't. When I was horribly sick a few weeks ago, I spent way too much time watching TV. I've also fudged a bit when it comes to what's "necessary" - I've included news and movies (which technically aren't on TV, ahem) in this category so I'm still pretty glued to the set. On the other hand, when I was sick, I probably spent half of that time watching British movies as well, so that was worth it :)
Guarding my tongue at work: I still need lots of prayer for this. Some days, I just have to bite my tongue. Unfortunately, I am encountering more and more situations by the day where I really need to heed James 3.
Bible reading plan: Hooray, three months and I've been able to read the Bible everyday without missing a day so far!
Health stuff: I'm getting worse with the exercise but doing better with the food.
100 books a year challenge: I am over a quarter of the way there but I'm slipping behind again.
Getting outside of the church/Christian bubble: I don't remember if this is something I've mentioned on here but it's been on my mind for a long time. I can say that being at home is definitely being outside of the bubble but I do want to get engaged with the community somehow.

Technologically unadvanced

2009-04-06T20:58:00.005-06:00

Compared to most people I know, I must be one of the least technologically-savvy 20-somethings out there. For instance:

1. I have happily had dial-up internet for the past decade.
2. I refuse to get a new cell phone that has more functions than calling people, receiving calls, and getting the occasional text message from someone who doesn't expect me to write back. I have no plans to give my almost five year-old phone up but in case I absolutely have to, I don't see where I can get a basic phone that's not a Blackberry, iPhone, etc.
3. I jumped on the Facebook bandwagon back when it just opened up to the public since my school wasn't one of the registered colleges that could access it beforehand. The academic feel appealed to me (remember when you could list your college courses on there, pre-app?) but now, I'm losing interest with it.
4. I refuse to get a Twitter account. Isn't that what blogging is for?
5. I still don't want or need an iPod.
6. I ended up receiving some sort of new technology gift in the mail but it's something that is so unnecessary and practically ridiculous yet I'll probably use it just so I don't feel like I'm letting it collect dust - even though it will. Why do people invent these things?!
7. I'm tempted to get a GPS system because I get lost going everywhere but I'm still content with writing directions down in my notebook, although I'm a bit behind on it right now.
8. The last time I ever chatted online was in my third year of college. I don't miss it at all.
9. I just learnt how to program my VCR three months ago.

There are probably other things out there that brand me as one who is a bit tech-backwards but this is a start. I have to laugh at the fact that one of my dear mentors who is in her 70s is way more advanced than I am in that she has a Mac, a Blackberry and she texts her friends (none of which I have/do myself). Someone mentioned that it's ironic that I used to be in tech ministry and yet I don't subscribe to any of the latest gadgets. Personally, I like having a minimalistic approach to all of this gear; if I don't need it, then I don't want to have to worry about it. I'll use it if someone else owns it but that's about it. I guess I'm not doing my part as a millennial in this generation..?

Wanted

2009-04-05T19:07:00.000-06:00

A Christian ministry book for church workers that doesn't talk about leadership, vision, success, and management. I'm not criticizing these topics - they're all valid - but I am looking for something different. Something biblical and practical.

And if it's for women, great. Just as long as there isn't a picture of a successful-looking woman with her arms crossed (or something) and a big lipsticked grin on the cover, I'm happy. Trees are good. Actually, this last criteria might make it too narrow that such a book probably doesn't exist. I know, I'm being pretty picky but I would be thrilled with any good suggestions.

Rewriting thoughts

2009-04-04T14:50:00.000-06:00

I've been spending the past couple of days rereading my graduate thesis from last year. Surprisingly, what brought this on was work and how people other than my advisor actually want to read what I wrote (really?). As a result, I've been going through it to see whether it's coherent and I'm discovering that there are places where I can definitely go back and rework it. The problem is the lack of motivation; do I really want to take the effort to open up this beast again? I am cringing in some sections where I can see that I failed to communicate my ideas as clearly as I could have but am thankful that it doesn't appear too badly. However, I'm only partway through so maybe the worst is to come. I'm not completely proud of this particular thesis (I spent almost a month editing my undergraduate thesis whereas I spent an afternoon on this one) so I should go back and fix it but I don't picture myself having time to do so. One of my friends felt the same way after she submitted her thesis and by the time she started working, I don't know that she did go back to it. Perhaps this can serve as a warning to myself in the future; in the event that people ever do ask about my thesis and want to have a copy, make sure it's something I'm not embarrassed about. Easier said than done :)

Morning radio

2009-04-02T22:07:00.003-06:00

I think I can safely predict that the local Christian radio station will play at least one of these three songs every morning:

"The Motions" by Matthew West
"Today is the Day" by Lincoln Brewster
"As It Is In Heaven" by Matt Maher

At least that's the way it has appeared over the past few weeks.

A time to refrain

2009-03-12T18:40:00.000-06:00

It's amusing that even the local news is talking about how people have given up social networking sites for Lent. I decided not to do that this year because I barely use it as it is and I'm constantly behind on catching up on messages, posts, etc. The worst is wishing people a happy birthday because it's awkward to do it a week in advance (which is probably how often I use the site) so I end up giving practically everyone a belated birthday wish instead. I guess the good news is that I'm not addicted :)

This year, I'm fasting from unnecessary television for forty days. To be honest, I don't tend to remember what I fast from or add to my Lenten season each year except for the first year I started practising Lent and the third or fourth year. That first year, I gave up pop, chocolate, and candy (why I picked three, I'm not sure - it is a good spiritual number though!). It's not that I love any of these things (except maybe dark chocolate) but I'm glad I fasted from them as I now don't drink pop at all and rarely eat candy. The other year was when I fasted from chips and that was much more difficult but again, it left me with the same result of not craving it as often or at all.

Now I'm hoping that curbing my television watching will help me to keep from turning to it automatically when I get home from work even after Easter. I can't recall if I've ever added anything to my life during Lent but some of my friends have done things like reading additional Bible chapters/verses each day. I think I'd like to find a book where you read a bit everyday for forty days and it's supposed to result in something - I'm not sure what topic I'd go for but I have a year to procrastinate on it!

Seasoned with grace

2009-03-11T21:55:00.004-06:00

I'm afraid I haven't had much to say lately as my life primarily consists of work and attempts to get as much sleep as possible so as not to be a danger on the roads (and a few things in between - mostly chores and some reading). It's interesting that when I was in school, I thought that was one of the most boring things I could write about but now that I'm working full-time, updates about work aren't that exciting either. Or it could just be that I'm the common denominator and I need to figure out how to make my posts more lively :)

Lately, one of the issues that I've been dealing with is how to respond to Christians whose words have been quite 'grace-less' toward me. Frankly, I'm shocked that I've had to encounter this on a number of occasions now and it's disheartening to know that I'm getting verbally attacked in Christian ministry from fellow believers. While I shouldn't be surprised that Christians are imperfect people and therefore sinners, I guess I'm dismayed by how some of the difficulties I've encountered involve those whom I expect more from.

The funny thing is that about two weeks ago, I started praying that I would be able to communicate with love and grace in my own speech everyday - something that I desperately need because I work with lots of different people on a daily basis and because I seem to be so skilled at foot-in-mouth-itis. Now with each new day, it feels like I'm really being put to the challenge because I keep having conversations that, were it not for God, would leave me bawling (I certainly wasn't asking for that, Lord!). As a result, I'm definitely learning how powerful words can be and how even among Christians, we need to guard what we say and to make sure that we're not cutting others down. Umm, thanks for the reminder, Jesus? What a week it's been for me and it's not even Friday!

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." - Colossians 4:6

Un mélange des choses

2009-02-22T16:18:00.006-07:00

In light of the 25 things craze that is hitting Facebook, here's a much-shorter list about what's been happening in my life lately:

1. I celebrated Valentine's Day this year by going to a wedding at a funeral home. I'm not sure if/how I'll beat that in the future.
2. I finally had my first taste of Devonshire cream over a week ago and naturally fell in love with it. Good thing I can't make it myself or I'd be eating it all the time.
3. I just discovered that my Myers-Briggs has changed from being an ENFP to an ISFJ. Again, I don't take that much stock in these things but that's quite a drastic shift.
4. "With the economy the way it is", I am finding incredible clothing sales - which is great as I keep putting off having to buy work clothes.
5. The same follows with sales on books, although I've cleared over fifty titles from my bookshelves and am not that eager yet to fill them again.
6. Another good thing is that airfare has gone down; I just purchased tickets for a round trip at the cost of what I would have paid around three or four years ago!
7. I'm developing an aversion to eating out, and with the number of health inspection scares that are escalating, I'm glad I'll be mostly eating at home.
8. Wow, I'm one of the uninsured young adults this article speaks of, although my reason has to do with once again, "the economy" and its impact on my workplace.
9. I'm wondering if my constant and unexplainable fatigue can be attributed to a sleeping disorder. See above point about self-diagnosis :)
10. The one-year Bible reading plan I'm on is driving me nuts as it seems to jump from place to place without much reason or rhyme; I'll have to use a different plan next year.

Health goals

2009-02-06T15:16:00.003-07:00

In an ideal world, I would love to:
- Get at least eight hours of sleep every night
- Exercise for half an hour everyday
- Eat more fruits and veggies
- Drink more water
(pretty basic, huh?)

I'm sloooowly getting there. The water thing is pretty convenient since I'm near a water cooler at work and since I have a sore throat nearly everyday now (not sure why). I'm also starting to have an aversion to eating out, which my stomach and wallet are grateful for. Sleep is still something that throws me for a loop; no matter how much sleep I get, I'm typically plain tuckered out by late afternoon. I've heard that if you exercise first thing in the morning, it keeps your metabolism up for the day and then you have more energy. Well, I've been exercising after dinner just to keep from falling asleep so I'm not sure if I should change that considering I'm like a zombie when I get up as well.

I think I'm healthier now than I was a few years ago in college when I mostly ate out and pulled all-nighters. If that's the case though, why are my eyes constantly droopy like I'm going to fall asleep at any moment? Sometimes when I'm running errands in the evenings, I worry that I look like the "Sleepy" dwarf and/or that I'll do what Rowan Atkinson did in Rat Race (that is, fall asleep while standing in a public place - was he in an airport when he did that? I don't remember...).

Brain fatigue

2009-02-03T17:16:00.002-07:00

Now I understand why people like to zone out in front of the television when they get home from work....

To celebrate or not to

2009-01-26T11:18:00.002-07:00

So apparently, it's Chinese New Year. And it's something I've hesitated about taking part in during the past decade. When I was younger, I went along with it and participated in some celebratory activities but I was never much enthused about it. Then, when I became a Christian, I pretty much ignored the holiday and still do to this day. It's not so much that I think there's something wrong with recognizing such an event but that I've never really had a reason to take it that seriously. I've tried hard to distance myself from any form of Chinese mythology and superstition, and especially the religious beliefs and practices that are contrary to my biblical faith, but that leaves me wondering what is left that I can celebrate. And if I want to be totally consistent with this, can I in full knowledge accept things like red envelopes?

Having never been to a Chinese church or spent much time with other Chinese people, especially Chinese Christians, I struggle with knowing how to embrace parts of my culture and how to refrain from other aspects. One of my coworkers is Chinese and she mentioned that even though her family is Christian, she always believed that her children should take part in things like Chinese New Year because they are a visible minority and will inevitably be asked about these things. I think it's a good reason but not strong enough to convince me that I need to be celebrating this holiday. At the same time, I don't want to act as though I'm shunning everything that is related to Chinese culture. It's ironic that I wrote a thesis (partly) on how Christ has come to redeem culture and yet I have the most difficult time knowing where to even start with the Chinese culture.

MIA bloggers

2009-01-23T19:01:00.001-07:00

Seriously? I have almost 500 unread things in my news reader. I don't know how I'm ever going to get around to those, much less the nearly 100 things I've saved for future reading. How and when did I accumulate so many feeds to read?! I know that the majority of those aren't from blogs because a lot of my friends and classmates have stopped updating their blogs. In fact, most of my links are to "dead" blogs so perhaps I'll link to them in a post instead of having them in my sidebar.

Without further ado, here are the bloggers that have gone missing in action over the past several years:

- Can You Keep Up?!
- Join the Foreign Guy's Adventure
- Popcorn Medievalist
- Trevor's Thought Cloud
- Truth is Discovered
- What Would Kim Do

There's a few others as well but I'm not really sure if they've stopped blogging yet. It's too bad - I really enjoyed the aforementioned blogs.

Deeds of love

2009-01-22T20:21:00.002-07:00

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. - James 1:22

I've been feeling increasingly convicted about how well I'm conveying my beliefs through my behaviour. While I don't believe that the famous St. Francis of Assisi adage holds up ("preach the gospel, if necessary use words" or something to that effect), I am starting to see how I've been pretty lopsided in my faith. I'm not really a fan of this oft-quoted sentiment because no one can ever lead such an amazing life that words are not required to clarify or explain their actions, but I do think I've been too reliant on words by hoping that they will compensate for my lack of deeds.

However, it's quite clear that in the Bible, both are required, for "as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead" (James 2:26). When Jesus went about His ministry, it was both proclamation and deed - His words explained what He was doing and in so doing, gave life to people, while His actions verified who He said He was. It was not just that God so loved the world but that He gave His one and only Son. Yet I struggle so much with how to turn the intangible into the tangible. Faith, hope and love may be in my head and heart but are they visible through my hands?

This reminds me of a quote that I heard in the 2008 version of Sense and Sensibility. Near the end of the mini-series, Marianne Dashwood says the following: "It is not what we say or feel that makes us what we are, it is what we do or fail to do." This is in reference to the scoundrel Willoughby's actions but it's so true about myself. How often do I do things that back up what I say? Sure I can articulate things but does anyone care if I don't do anything about it? Hmm... convicting thoughts indeed. I pray that deeds of love reflecting the love of Christ would become more real and consistent in my life.

Habit formation

2009-01-21T19:27:00.001-07:00

In one of my leadership courses in seminary, we spent some time learning about habit formation. One thing stuck out to me, which was that it usually took twenty-one consecutive days of doing something in order to form a new habit.

Well, I'm now at day twenty-one of my Bible reading plan and happily, I have managed to do it everyday without missing a day :) I have been absolutely horrible at this in the past, missing up to three days several times a month. Needless to say, there were some long catching up days!

What finally convinced me to try a bit harder was the realization that there are a lot of things that we do everyday that we would never neglect - things such as brushing our teeth or eating (or additional things for me such as cleaning the lens of my glasses or flossing daily). If that's the case, why can't I apply the same mentality to reading the Bible? So far, this "guilt trip" (not really) has worked but I'm hoping that I can keep up with this... there's still 344 days left to the year!

The language of expediency

2009-01-20T17:23:00.000-07:00

I meant to write about this last fall after driving by a church that had the following message on its sign: TTYL, I'll BRB. - Jesus

Personally, I believe church signs end up being more humourous than life-changing whereas others are just mind-boggling (as in why?). Remember the church sign generator that was a big hit in the blogosphere a while back? Well, I figure some of the real ones are probably funnier than anything I could ever come up with.

Anyways, back to this particular sign. As much as it's a groaner, it definitely points to our culture's use of shortcuts in language. We're so used to having everything instantly that even our speech is shortened to make this possible. This made me think about the songs that we sing in church, especially the songs that are sung during the young adults worship services.

I know complaining about worship music isn't new but this has been a growing frustration for me. Why is it that the majority of the songs that we now sing are composed of three or four word sentences? Without naming any particular songs, here is an example of what we seem to be singing nowadays:

God is here / Let us come / We raise our hands / And lift our voices / To worship Him / With our songs / And our hearts / Together we sing / Of His love / etc.

So not only are we singing simple sentences, one after another, but they don't say very much at all (yes, I know I made three references to singing all at once but there are some songs out there that do this)! These songs end up becoming more about us than about God. There's a lack of theology and of the richness and beauty that accompanies the hymns and psalms that we once sang. I don't want to lose that in the quest to reduce things into smaller, shorter, quicker "packages". I'm not advocating that we go back to archaic language that says a lot and isn't easily understandable but I am suggesting that we be more intentional about what we sing as we praise God - are we singing these songs just to get lost in the emotion or are we worshipping God in spirit and in truth as He has revealed Himself through Christ and the Bible?

Okay, maybe I'm a bit biased as I do prefer this to this :)

What finally prompted this post is this text abbreviation post from SCL. Hilarious. And I hope not true... although WOTAM fits in nicely with what I've just written.

Milestones and firsts

2009-01-19T18:33:00.005-07:00

It has been eleven years since I first heard the Gospel.
It has been eleven years since I prayed to accept Jesus as my Saviour.
It has been ten years since I made Jesus Christ my Lord.
It has been ten years since I received a Bible and read through it.
It has been nine years since God brought me to my home church.
It has been nine years since I first joined a youth group.
It has been eight years since I was baptized.
It has been eight years since I first volunteered in ministry.
It has been seven years since I went on my first missions trip.
It has been seven years since my first year of Bible college.
It has been six years since I took my church membership class.
It has been six years since I preached my first sermon (in class).
It has been five years since I felt the missionary call.
It has been five years since I changed my major to missions.
It has been four years since I helped lead my first missions trip.
It has been four years since I became a church member.
It has been three years since I became a short-term missionary.
It has been three years since I first led someone to the Lord.
It has been two years since I first volunteered in church missions.
It has been two years since I went on my ministry internship.
It has been one year since I graduated from seminary.
It has been one year since I entered full-time ministry.

I am looking forward to celebrating a lot this year for all of the amazing things that God has done in my life :)

Missions music

2009-01-13T19:24:00.007-07:00

I'm doing something that I have not done in years - look for a song for a video. And now that I'm searching for just the right music, I remember how this was such a difficult and frustrating task. Granted, I mostly worked on camp and summer mission trip videos for youth so I had a bit more freedom to use any genre of music but now, I have to find something that will be appropriate and touching for a wide range of adults. I do have the last resort of stock music but even when I made videos for youth, I exhausted so much of it that I started to recognize it when local radio or TV stations used the same songs!

I'm trying to juggle all sort of things in my mind as I go through my music collection right now, such as the length of the song, its lyrics, if there are annoying beginnings/middles/ends that have to be edited out, etc. So far, I haven't come up with many songs because I do have a specific theme and mood that I'm after, and some songs are just too melancholy to be used in its entirety while others are overplayed, which is why I would prefer a more obscure Christian artist. I know, I'm too picky - but why is it so hard to find a good missions song? There's a joke that every missions video uses Audio Adrenaline's "Hands and Feet" (or MercyMe's "Here Am I") and I think the reason is because there aren't that many songs that are about missions. And when they are - watch out! It'll get used in every slideshow presentation, no matter who or what it's for :)

Honourable mentions:
"Go" - MercyMe
"To the Ends of the Earth" - Hillsong United
"Go and Be" - Audio Adrenaline
"Here I Am Send Me" - Delirious?

Links to lists of missions songs:
The Unofficial List
Missions Songs
Yahoo! Answers

Reading predictions

2009-01-10T14:12:00.000-07:00

I think I'm spending too much time exploring a new feature from LibraryThing called Will You Like It? I started off by looking up books I've read and enjoyed but don't own and am now trying out books that I know I definitely will not like. So far, the latter part hasn't been as accurate as the first part but I know the system isn't perfect. For instance, LT thinks that I will love Brian McLaren's A Generous Orthodoxy (not just like but love), which I seriously doubt. Actually, any emergent book or book on mysticism I plug into it is coming out with a prediction of love. Oh well, at least there were more correct results for popular novels I don't think I'll ever read/enjoy and the books that I knew I'd like. It's pretty entertaining to use and I'm sure this feature will be improved in the future so I'll have to check back to see if these results change.

Out there

2009-01-09T19:57:00.005-07:00

It feels like we've been in a perpetual winter (Narnia?) but only because the chinook has taken over a month to show up - and that's if it actually does this weekend. I can't recall the last time the snow here has been piled up this high but I suppose it reminds me of Quebec and that's a nice thing.

I've been using the weather as an excuse for why I've become a recluse over the past couple of weeks but really, I might be turning into a (reluctant?) introvert. I say reluctant because I still thrive from being around others but my social life is slowly dying and I'm letting it do so, one day at a time. I also don't want to fully admit it just yet because I was so shy as a child and only when I became a Christian did I change into an extrovert - I don't want to revert back to what I was. But maybe after following Jesus for ten years now, I'm finally mellowing out into a more balanced version of me? Hmm, I'm not sure at this point. All I know is that I come home from work and I spend the entire evening cooped up by myself; then, I repeat this the next day. [I also go to church by myself, which is one thing I will admit that I dislike about big churches, but that's another topic.]

I struggle with this because I do want relationships with people - we aren't created to be alone. But solitude has become my reality and it's both disappointing and guilt-inducing. I keep telling myself that I have to decide what social activities I will engage in this year, but I'm still procrastinating on this (if it's not schoolwork, I suppose it has to be something else!). It never used to feel like work before but now it's as though I have to be so conscious about my (lack of a) social life that it's eating me up inside.

Maybe my soul is in a bit of a perpetual winter right now.

Sharper than any double-edge sword

2009-01-01T01:34:00.000-07:00

One of the things that I am most looking forward to this year is that I'll be back on a one-year Bible reading plan. However, this time, it will be something that is church-initiated rather than self-initiated, which is really exciting! It'll be so neat to go through this experience of the Word of God together with other people in the church. In the past, I've done this twice on my own - I didn't do very well the first time but the second time was a bit better. Now I'm hoping that group accountability will keep me from missing a day or two here and there.

Something else I'm glad about is that this particular plan has both the Old and the New Testament in the daily readings, which I prefer to those that move from one testament to the other. This is mostly because I've just spent a year studying the Old Testament and so I'm glad I don't have to wait until September to get back into the New Testament again. I noticed that at Bible Gateway, they have several plans for 2009 and that you can choose from Old/New Testament, Chronological, Beginning (from cover to cover in the Bible) or Historical plans, so that's a handy resource. I've always wanted to read the Bible chronologically so that may be a plan I'll use in the future.

"Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him." - Proverbs 30:5

(You've probably noticed that I've been quoting from Proverbs lately. I finished the OT historical books in November and so I decided to read through Proverbs in December before I joined the church on this one-year plan :) Post title refers to Hebrews 4:12).

An overview of a year

2008-12-31T20:09:00.004-07:00

Admittedly, my first thought about this year being almost over is that my Christmas vacation is almost over and I'll be back at work in no time (oh, to be back on a semester system). However, it's hitting me that 2008, in its entirety, will be gone in less than a few hours. It's been a big year for me but at the same time, nothing completely life-changing - things seem to go on as usual.

To summarize: I finished my last semester of school (so far) and received my Master's degree this spring. To celebrate, I went on a fun trip with my dad to visit family in California. Afterwards, I came back to my final summer of "French camp". It was during this time in Quebec that I felt God was directing me to go back home rather than to move across the country, which was a hard decision to make but the right one.

It seemed to be a whirlwind of weddings in July for me, having stayed an extra week in Montreal for a friend's wedding and then coming back the day after to prepare for my best friend's wedding. One week later, I finished my maid of honour duties and started an internship.

Looking back, I am so thankful that I had this internship because it gave me something to come back to without having to spend my entire summer job-hunting and because it was in the same field that I receive my Bachelor's and Master's degrees in so I could definitely put what I've learnt to use. The internship was not without some issues but God definitely used them to stretch me and to grow me (says the girl in retrospect).

In the end, I was offered a temporary full-time position that I will be starting after the holidays. I'm grateful that I had a gradual transition from school to work life; having a part-time job throughout the summer and fall was really nice in easing me back to life here.

Now that I'm back (and by back, I mean not traipsing off to Quebec every few months), I've had to reconcile my hopes for full-time missions with being at home. It's not that I cannot do missions here but it is something I'm struggling with a bit since I had been preparing for years to leave and yet here I am, staying.

So as of this point, I am simply putting one foot in front of the other and depending on God to lead me to what's next :) He is so faithful and I am waiting in anticipation for what He will have in store.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." - Proverbs 16:9

Have a blessed New Year everyone - may the Lord Jesus Christ be made more real in your hearts and lives in 2009!

Reading record

2008-12-27T11:20:00.004-07:00

Two years ago, I made the goal of reading a hundred books a year - to this day, I don't know why I made this decision or why I picked this number. I also don't know why I decided to start this after my first semester of seminary so ever since I've been tracking my progress, I've had to begin my count on December 15 (of all days). It would have made more sense to begin on September 1 or January 1 but alas, I'm stuck with this strange date now.

The first year, I was fairly close to reaching my goal but I fell behind by twelve books. I attribute this to living in Montreal that summer and only reading three books throughout my three months there. This past year, I fell even more behind by twenty-five books. I'm blaming the four months I spent working on my thesis, resulting in not fully reading any books and the summer in Montreal again (four books - what a terrible record). Perhaps this year I won't have any more excuses and I'll actually make it to my goal?

One neat thing that has come out of this goal has been in figuring out fun statistics about my reading habit. I only wish I had started doing this much sooner :) As a result of doing this, I've discovered that I have the propensity to zip through lots of public library non-fiction books but that I take forever on the non-fiction I own. Another thing I've noticed is that I rarely purchase fiction except for on my birthday so I'm lacking a bit in this area - it's largely dependent on what I find at the public library or the church library.

As for 2009, here are a few books I'm hoping to dive into:
- The Supremacy of Christ in a Postmodern World by John Piper
- Just Jane by Nancy Moser
- Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life by Donald Whitney
- Throw Out Fifty Things by Gail Blanke
- God's Continent by Philip Jenkins

Any suggestions for others I can add to my list?

Christmas reflection

2008-12-26T01:34:00.004-07:00

Oh, I feel terrible that I haven't written anything in almost two months, much less bothered to look at my blog (sorry to those who have kindly commented to an absent blogger!). After taking almost a week off from checking my email - which I've still yet to do - and catching up on my news reader, I'm finally taking the time to say a very belated "Merry Christmas" to anyone who may be glancing this way :)

Well, I've just had my very first Christmas turkey dinner with my family and am looking forward to the leftovers - yum. I'm greatly enjoying a break from work and am not anxious to return next week. By that time, I hope to have painted my room, rearranged some furniture, and purged as much of my possessions as possible. I've spent the past several days filling in holes and cracks in the walls and will be sanding the surface soon - something I've been waiting for for months!

One lovely blessing from this Christmas is that it's pretty much been giftless (apart from receiving several delicious sweets) and honestly, I much prefer it this way. Not only have I been able to avoid the malls but I've spent more time with my family and with church celebrations without having to think about shopping. This Christmas is almost the reverse of what it was last year when we had a soaring Canadian dollar and people went crazy trying to benefit from it. Granted, the economy has really taken a fall since but I can see how it's caused people to refocus their priorities in seeing that stuff is not the answer.

Anyhow, that's a brief summary of a few of my sentiments on Christmas this year. Of course, what I love most about the season is the celebration of the virgin birth that took place two millennia ago - the Incarnation of our Lord Jesus Christ!

"The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has even seen God, but God the One and Only, who is at the Father's side, has made him known." - John 1:14, 17-18

Nearing the end

2008-11-02T12:57:00.005-07:00

Eek, I didn't realize that this month would be absolutely crazy but it's becoming more so. It wasn't until I was out for breakfast with friends yesterday that I realized I'll have to figure out how I can attend a dance performance, a wedding, a church presentation and a college reunion all in the same weekend. This is going to be tough; I don't want to miss any of these but I have to say no to something... sigh.

It's been a hard couple of weeks for me lately, personally and professionally (which probably accounts for the complaining on here - sorry). I'm just so weighted down and burdened, making for several sleepless nights and agonizing days. I've been crying out to God repeatedly, asking for His peace, and going through His Word for something to comfort me. These are a few of the verses that have touched my heart:

"In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered me by setting me free. The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies.

I was pushed back and about to fall, but the LORD helped me. The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation." - Psalm 118:5-7, 13-14

What's in a name?

2008-10-30T23:46:00.005-06:00

Apparently, I have a very confusing name (apart from my nom de plume) as evidenced by the following examples. I've always known this to some extent but never has it escalated to the point where numerous incidents keep happening, one right after another.

Incident #1: I attended a symposium a few weeks ago where they told us that they would forward us some contact information. I kept waiting and waiting but didn't receive anything at work or at home. Finally, I asked a coworker if they received this information and they did, so they sent it to me. The problem? The symposium people thought that my last name was something else and so they sent an email to an address that doesn't exist.

Incident #2: One of my coworkers keeps calling me by the wrong first name but I've never had the chance to correct him. It wouldn't be so bad if his father didn't also happen to be my boss. Unfortunately, when he was introducing me to some people a little while ago, he kept using this incorrect name and I had to force myself to smile and pretend that it really was my name to be polite.

Incident #3: For some reason, people tend to assume that my name is not spelt in English even though it is. So they come up with alternate spellings and even when I tell them that it's spelt the conventional way, it's as if they don't believe me. I normally don't mind but sometimes I just want to say, "Yes, I do know my own name. Really." So now I'm forwarding a document to my supervisor with the incorrect name because of another assumption.

Incident #4: The very first piece of mail that I receive at work not only calls me the incorrect name that the person in incident #2 calls me but also gives me the title of "Mister". Wow - my identity has really changed!

Incident #5: It's always fun to see your name on a table setting chart at a banquet and to figure out who you're sitting with, except when your name is wrong and it's the same error as found in incident #1.

Incident #6: Someone I met at said banquet called me something that didn't quite sound right but I let it slide because I could barely hear what she was saying. Finally, I corrected her and she said, "Oh, I have a friend with such and such a name so I thought you had the same one." I'm looking forward to when I can use this reasoning with someone else rather than just hearing it (this wasn't the first time it's been used with me).

And the best thing of all? Incidents #3, 4, 5 and 6 all happened today. Although I've been mistakenly called each of the names in these incidents before in my life (except for Mr.), it's still a bit frustrating to have to correct people or to receive things that aren't correctly addressed. Even my nickname on this blog is the result of a miscommunication. It shouldn't bother me but being called the wrong name four times today makes me wonder if I should change it. Maybe I'll end up marrying someone with the last name that I keep getting rather than my own surname and that'll at least solve one problem, ha!

* That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet...

Ma vie... kind of

2008-10-26T00:28:00.008-06:00

Admittedly, one of the only times I feel inspired to write something on here is after I have perused someone else's blog... usually an interesting blog that greatly puts me to shame :) I also tend to write something at the very hours I shouldn't, such as right now, since I have to be at church super early in the morning.

Here are a few things that have crossed my mind/life lately:

- I ended up going with the Sauder Oak bookcase. It actually holds a lot so I suppose looks can be deceiving; it also fits into a space that I didn't even have in mind at first but which is much more ideal. I am so thrilled that my books are finally organized!
- My hours at work were extended a few weeks ago; thus, I have an even stranger schedule now. I work sporadic hours which is hard because I love routine and order. Having a consistent life is tricky when some days are so short (maybe 2 hours of work) and others are long and exhausting (sometimes over 12 hours straight).
- I strongly dislike the concept of lunches. Somehow, I'm adverse to eating food that needs to be warmed up or food that is at a bland room temperature taste. This doesn't quite make sense as I do like leftovers from meals that I make but maybe it's just the lunch environment that I've never been fond of or something. I can't explain this one too well.
- I have an even greater dislike (hate?) for Halloween. To me, it seems silly and excessive when adults treat this as the holiday of the year and go nuts over "scary" decorations and costumes or whatever else it is that people do when this is their favourite holiday. I don't get it. The whole giving out candy is a weird practice as well.
- I'm a year older, and the novelty of telling people my age is almost gone. It was always so fun to hear people express surprise at my youth... now I'm just another twenty-something among the masses (wow, what a melodramatic statement!) :)
- To be honest, I am having such a hard time fitting in with my age group at church. Some days I feel like an old lady, especially when people find out that I like the traditional church service as opposed to the contemporary one. Other days I feel like I'm back in high school when it comes to things like relationships, etc. since a lot of my peers are married and/or are parents. It's such a weird age to be at but maybe it's just an identity crisis I'm going through now that I'm not a student?
- Hmm... I better get to bed. This overly cynical-sounding post doesn't sound too fun; rest should help.

It's that time again

2008-10-09T19:52:00.004-06:00

I always look forward to the Thanksgiving long weekend every year, mostly because my birthday usually falls on or around it, making it more special for me. The funny thing is that growing up, I never had the traditional turkey dinner - my family is simply too small. It actually wasn't until high school that I had my first taste of turkey. Now I can't escape these dinners, which is a good thing since I really like turkey, and a bad thing because I eat way too much turkey to make up for the lack of it. Anyways, enough talk of turkeys...

Along with these yummy dinners at my friends' houses, I also buy myself books that I can't justify buying the other eleven months of the year. (Do other people do this? Buying oneself gifts seems lame but my parents aren't really into gift-giving). Usually, I end up getting fiction books - a tradition which first started during my second year of college when my professor went to Paris and I spent the cancelled English class in a bookstore instead. I'd like to keep this up, if possible.

It feels silly thinking about this considering the state the economy is in but maybe it's my last chance to be frivolous? I'm not as worried as I maybe should be but I partly blame a report in the newspaper a few months ago that mentioned that the costs of books were going down (this was when gas prices were going way up). In any case, I'm late on my order this year because I'm waiting until a particular book gets released in a couple of weeks, so I guess I won't have any birthday reading to do this long weekend. Maybe I'll finally tackle that work reading!

Lacking permanence

2008-09-29T19:20:00.007-06:00

I don't have a desk at work. It's not that big a deal to me, but I definitely notice how not having a workstation affects the way I do things. I end up lugging all of my files around - although in a very handy carrying case that a year ago, I would have donated had it not been for my procrastination - wondering when I'll need to use a file drawer instead. In addition to this, I have to sign up every week to make sure that a workstation is reserved for me. I work apart from my team and listen to lots of chatter I don't really need to hear. These issues don't bother me too terribly as I've been able to adjust to all of them but I do miss having my own little space where I can keep things. There's just something about having your own personal place, especially when you're at it for so many hours a week.

What really made me think about this was a gift I received from my mom today. She bought me a small plant to celebrate something and she mentioned that I could put it on my desk. That was when I realized how I don't have anything permanent at work. Again, this is not a matter of great import (I do have a wonderful desk at home) but it was a bit sad to tell her I'd have no place to put the plant. I guess I can understand why people bother to take pictures and other little knick-knacks from home to make their workstations feel more comfortable. All I have before me is a sign-up sheet and the quickly-becoming-old joke that someone else needs my computer each time I leave it for a half-hour meeting....

Prayer rally

2008-09-27T17:16:00.004-06:00

Here is a helpful post on Praying for Iran that Josh Harris wrote, which caught my attention because it coincides with the Alberta-wide prayer rally taking place today at Airdrie Alliance Church.

Storage and such

2008-09-26T15:03:00.014-06:00

In my unending search for another bookcase/shelving unit, I've come across four potential candidates that are fairly inexpensive. The only requirement I have is that they must be narrower than the average bookcase because of limited space. Here are the choices:

IKEA's EINA bedside table
Pros:
- It has wheels
- It has clean lines and looks sturdy
- It does not require a wall attachment
Cons:
- It only has three shelves
- It won't hold too many of my extra books
- It looks like a bedside table, which it is :)

IKEA's FLÄRKE bookcase
Pros:
- It's an actual bookcase
- Lots and lots of shelves
- I can store more than just books
Cons:
- It's taller than I'd like
- The wood appears to be very thin
- Dusting the top of the case

Canadian Tire's Sauder Mission Cherry Bookcase
Pros:
- The colour
- Just the right amount of shelves
Cons:
- Wider than I'd like
- Uncertain if the price corresponds to the size that I want

Canadian Tire's Sauder Oak Bookcase
Pros:
- Economical
- Portable
Cons:
- Shelves are not very deep
- Less storage overall
- Plain appearance; nothing remarkable

Choices, choices! I also checked out Walmart but they don't have much furniture selection. There are probably more options out there but I can't think of other Canadian stores that have websites I could browse through to help me in my decision. Hmmm...

Still school

2008-09-14T02:41:00.007-06:00

Hmm, I'm up much later than I should be. I'm utterly exhausted after an amazing night spent with former classmates and I should be asleep by now but instead, I'm finally catching up on emails/online messages.

A couple of people from my missions classes a few years ago were in town this weekend so we made it a point to all get together and catch up on each others' lives. It was fantastic, and I wish we could do it more often. It's incredible that even after a few years, we are all so tight - practically like a family. Since a lot of my friends are married now, it's refreshing to hang out with people who are still at the same life stage that I'm at.

I didn't realize it until this past month but my social life has really diminished since working in ministry. Whereas I used to spend much more time with other people when I was a student, now it's been reduced to weekends and maybe an evening here and there (I suppose that comes with being done school). I have to admit that when I first started college, I was a bit skeptical of people who mentioned that their college friends were the people who became their dearest friends. For some reason, I didn't think that would happen to me but now that I'm finished school, I can see how true it is since almost of all my social activities consist of being with former classmates.

Another thing that this has brought up for me is the notion that I should still be in school. Although I am completely relieved that I am finished, hearing about my friends who are finishing up their degrees makes me want to undertake another program of study. I know, this is crazy and the feeling may likely pass but I've been thinking of taking a course somewhere. Not sure where yet and in what field but I'm on the lookout for something that'll catch my eye. Of course, this could just be stemming from the fact that it is September :)

Take me away

2008-09-04T14:51:00.002-06:00

Whenever dreams seem out of reach
Love is far away
Loneliness is all I have to hold
Whenever hope is out of time
The picture's so unclear
I stumble tryin' to find the light of day

Take me away to the oasis
I wanna be with You in quiet places
Your face is all I ever want to see
Take me away, say that You love me
I need to be with You and with You only
You're Holy
That is what I want to be

Whenever I replay the past
And listen to my fears
Tell myself I'll never be forgiven
That's when You come erase my doubts
Drive away my tears
I just say the word and You reach down again

- foreverafter, "Oasis"

My own hands

2008-09-03T22:35:00.003-06:00

One of the struggles I've recently had has been the whole job situation. I absolutely love my part-time job and only wish it could be a full-time job (which is not possible at the moment due to funding), meaning that I still have yet to find another part-time job. However, I'd much rather have a full-time job so that I can have things like benefits - a necessity now that I am no longer a student. Some of the full-time jobs I've come across sound great and I would qualify for them but they start immediately and I am in a part-time contract for several more months. I also don't want to give up what I'm doing part-time. Thus, the dilemma.

I've been thinking a bit about Genesis 16 in terms of where I'm at. There, Abram is waiting on God for an heir, for his offspring. In the midst of a seemingly impossible situation, Abram's wife Sarai rationalizes that the best solution would be for Abram to have a child with her maidservant, Hagar. It makes sense but the implications are grave. Abram takes things into his own hands rather than trusting in God to accomplish things His way. Although Ishmael's descendants are blessed and fruitful (Genesis 17:20), it is only Isaac that God establishes His covenant with (Genesis 17:19). In fact, in Genesis 22:12 where God calls Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac, it is clear that God sees Isaac as Abraham's only son. Abraham's way of getting an heir was not acknowledged by God and it took Abraham another thirteen years before he saw that 'nothing was too hard for the Lord' to do (Genesis 18:14).

The reason this story has popped into my mind is that the things we often try to do on our own strength aren't the things that last or will work out in the end. I've been pretty anxious lately about my job and in many ways, I can see situations where I go ahead with my own agenda instead of waiting on God for His perfect plan. Today, I heard of another opportunity that sounded good but which may not have necessarily been the best thing. However, I didn't think too clearly of it at the time and in my haste, mentioned that I would be interested in it. I'm praying that the repercussions of this move will be minimal since I may have taken things into my own hands again. I'm grateful that God has kept me from a lot of bad decisions (although not all, I still remain a foolish person in countless ways); I just have to keep relying on Him so that I don't continue this mindset that I need to go about and fix things my way. Now that is a recipe for disaster! Good thing He is patient with us... I certainly need it!

Come again?

2008-09-02T18:34:00.003-06:00

Since I was on the yearbook committee for a couple of years throughout junior high, high school, and college, I thought that my ability to recognize people and remember their names was pretty good. Oftentimes, that has been the case and it has only come about from seeing mug shots over and over again or indexing countless names, forwards and backwards. But it seems that my once-obtained skills have now disappeared.

Incident #1: Winter semester 2008. I was having a late-night dinner with some friends and professors at a restaurant I'd never been to when I realized that our server looked familiar. I couldn't place where I knew him from throughout the entire meal so when we were getting the bill, I asked the server if he had attended the same college that my group of friends and I went to. He gave me a strange glance, telling me that he did not go to that school. Several days later, I finally figured out where I knew him from - seminary. Not only that but we were in the same class. And to top it all off, I sat beside him for the entire semester that same semester in a course with nine people! Yeah, I have no excuse for this one.

Incident #2: About two weeks ago. I was at a different restaurant during a busy evening. The person I was with knew one of the servers and called out his name before we had taken our seats; this person ended up serving us. Again, there was something about the server that got my attention but I didn't think I actually knew him from anywhere. It wasn't until the next day that I put two and two together and remembered that I audited a course with the server three years ago. Granted, this was much better than the last incident in that I knew the server from three years ago as opposed to the day before but still, the class I took with him only had six people!

Incident #3: Last week. Finally, an incident that doesn't involve a server at a restaurant although this one is pretty bad because the person knew that I didn't know who he was. I used to volunteer in video technologies and student ministries at my church and this was one of the people that was involved with both as well. He was the same age as the group of students that I led and a fellow techie on the same rotation that I was on four years ago. I guess I wasn't thinking that youth don't always stay youth and that they eventually grow up because I had no clue who this guy was until someone else called out his name and I went, "That's him?!" Haha, he's definitely taller now.

I'm a bit embarrassed that this has already happened to me three times. I wonder what the next few incidents will look like although I don't know if anything can take the cake like the first one where I sat beside the guy for an entire semester and didn't know his face...

Packed week

2008-08-29T00:37:00.002-06:00

Perhaps it's a good thing that I only have a part-time job at this point because I sure can fill my days up with other activities! In addition to work (hooray, I'm back in ministry again!), I ended up unexpectedly house-sitting and accommodating someone this weekend. It was a lot of responsibility to handle but it was good to do something different for a change. I guess the main reason why this week feels so crammed is because it's staff retreat week. I had a wonderful time yesterday going out of town to the mountains with my co-workers and today, I had the pleasure of canoing and visiting a local attraction that I have not been to for +15 years. I have to admit that my shoulders are completely sore but I have so enjoyed the time in fellowship these past two days.

I've also been spending the last couple of evenings knee-deep (figuratively) cleaning out the basement for my parents. It'll take a while before I'm done but so far, we've been able to donate about eight garbage bags full of items to charity. I cannot express how relieved I am that we are finally going through our stuff and deciding what's important to keep and what's not. It's somewhat appropriate that I'm reading through some of Randy Alcorn's writings again on the relationship between material possessions and faith, which has been convicting as usual. It might be borderline obsessive-compulsive but I am developing such an aversion to clutter now.

The more I read about how we are so materially well-off in North America, the more I feel like I could be doing so much more to contribute my resources to the kingdom of God. It's pretty embarrassing that one of the problems I/we face is that we have too much stuff. I've written before about the wartime lifestyle and it's something that still resonates in me. I want to grow into a generous person who is not bent on pursuing the next item to own. While I definitely enjoy cleaning out and organizing things, I am thrilled that I can do so knowing that other people can use what I don't need and/or that I am reducing the number of things I have to worry about, giving me more time to focus on God and doing His work. I've been learning a lot about what it means to commit all of my time, talent and treasure to the Lord and I pray that I will keep growing in this area so that I may glorify Jesus in all that I do.

"Everything I've kept, I've lost, but all that I've given to God I still possess." - Martin Luther

Apparent contradictions

2008-08-18T22:19:00.003-06:00

In reading over a couple of old posts, I noticed several things that seem to contradict each other on here. Not that I need to clear them up, but I might as well :)

I mentioned at the beginning of this month that I'm working. A couple of days later, I wrote that I was looking for a job. Well, it's both. I'm only working part-time right now and am looking for something full-time after my temporary contract is up. I'm grateful for the part-time work because it's been a nice transition from the academic life into the working world but at the same time, I have to start paying some bills. I applied for another part-time job but it's been several weeks and I haven't heard anything so I'll start looking for something else this week.

And a few minutes ago, I wrote that I don't have a good paper record of my lists but in the midst of organizing some labels on this blog, I found an old post where I stated that I have a notebook full of lists. I do, but that book is full of to-do lists where I rip out the sheets after I'm done with them. This is going to be the first time that I've actually kept my lists and where they won't just be full of homework assignments :)

That's all; just a few unnecessary clarifications but I figured it wouldn't hurt to set the record straight. After all, this blog may be the only thing that's kept track of anything of my insane life so far!

Alphabetical, numerical and more

2008-08-18T20:51:00.002-06:00

I forget if it was at church or in a book that I first heard about the idea of using lists as a form of journalling. I guess it's obvious that I really enjoy making lists; my brain seems to be conditioned that way :) Although I don't yet have ambitions of going through any of the lists of the bests (whether in books, movies, travel, etc.), I like the idea of charting one's progress and keeping a record of them.

When I first got to Montreal, I had this strange and urgent need to go and buy a journal even though I rarely write in them (the last time - apart from mandatory school assignments - being high school). Right now, there are only two entries from the past three months but I'm thinking of taking it up again with a new format: lists. Given my track record on here and in my paper journals, I'm hoping this will inspire me to write more!

Free speech

2008-08-17T16:39:00.005-06:00

I came across something really interesting in the paper yesterday and thought I'd post it rather than having to save the article itself for a couple of paragraphs:

"Reading up on how the Anglo-American tradition of free speech came about, I came across many examples of one-man proprietorships in the early days: The fellow who owned the Gutenberg was also reporter, editor, publisher, printer, delivery boy and business manager.

No surprise, these people did what they did because they had a point to make.

Generally, it was a religious one and parenthetically, one of the things least understood now is how large is the blood-debt owed by the secular right of free speech to stubborn Protestant printers of the 16th and 17th centuries, who fought authorities to present truth as they saw it."

- excerpt from "Why newspapers beat the Internet for accuracy" by Nigel Hannaford, Calgary Herald, The Editorial Page, A26, August 16, 2008

Church culture

2008-08-12T16:54:00.005-06:00

One of my favourite websites this summer has been Stuff Christians Like (inspired by Stuff White People Like, which makes me chuckle but not nearly as hard). It's hilarious and serious all at once, with just the right amount of sarcasm to drive the point home - absolutely perfect for Christians who are willing to laugh at their own idiosyncrasies.

As a result, I'm starting to notice more and more things that escaped my attention before, such as when worship leaders add the word 'and' to song lyrics or how some worship leaders are becoming increasingly metrosexual. The other posts are just as ridiculously entertaining but I guess the worship ones stick out more. One paragraph that has been stuck in my head since last month comes from this wonderful piece on "Talk Singing":

The surprise song
Sometimes a worship leader will kind of pretend she's not about to sing a song. As if she's having a normal conversation with you, she'll say, "Me and my husband we're talking this weekend. We were sharing a coffee to discuss some issues we're facing and we realized ... everyone needs compassion, love that's never failing, let mercy fall on me." And before you know it, you moved from hearing about weekend coffee to being a verse deep into the song "Mighty to Save."

I don't know why but this one makes me laugh to no end, especially as I'm driving home from church; I wonder if there's a course on how people seem to be able to do this so well on stage?

Other observations about church culture that have surfaced in my mind have been how Christians tend to be late in coming to church - why is that? I understand the ones that come in five to twenty minutes late, but I've seen people enter worship services an hour late. It remains a mystery to me.

Another one has been the whole issue of handshakes and germs. I realize that in our culture, handshakes are a very welcoming and friendly thing to do, but have people considered how many germs get passed between people on a Sunday morning? And what about when you go out to eat after church and you need to use your hands? I usually carry hand sanitizer with me in case I don't have a chance to go to the washroom but I guess that paints me as a germophobe (okay, I'm not always diligent with this and I do worry about superbugs but still...). My best friend's mom words this situation perfectly though - when I once left to go wash my hands before eating after church, she asked if I was going to "wash the fellowship off." Hehe. Oh, church culture and its special lingo :)

A few things here and there

2008-08-09T13:54:00.003-06:00

Since I've come home, I have had an amazing summer. To be honest, this is partly because I haven't been too active on the job front - something that I'll need to rectify before the end of summer. But it's still August, which means I can go about and do a few things that have been piling up on my lists.

One of the things that I've finally gotten to has been the overwhelming photo project at home. My mom has never been really good at keeping our family pictures organized (ever) so over the past week, I've gone through and sorted at least 25 years' worth of pictures. Not only were they not chronologically ordered (which took about three days to do) but they were also mixed up with all of the pictures that our extended family and family friends have sent us over the years. It was a lot of work but it's worth it to be able to flip through something without seeing strange faces every couple of pages now.

Part of the inspiration behind this project was from helping put together a wedding slideshow and seeing how unorganized pictures can be a lot of work to go through. What a relief it is that the pictures are in (general) chronological order and that they are displayed in proper albums. It was so nice to throw away tons of doubles and blurry pictures as well; hooray for less clutter! In addition to organizing the family photo albums, I went through my personal collection as well. Now I can print off the more recent pictures and take a major project off my list :) (Thank goodness I don't scrapbook - that would be a nightmare in itself!).

I'm also feeling inspired to shop off of Etsy and look for some accessories to update my room with since I'm finished school. I don't need very much but my room is feeling a little bare since I've thrown out/donated a lot of the stuff I had in high school. Also, I haven't figured out the book situation yet - my current bookshelf is completely full, as are the other shelves in my room - ~~other than to cull my collection but I'm not ready for that at this point. Perhaps I'll need to get creative with a few storage ideas....~~ Update: Hooray, I have finally done this and gotten rid of around fifty books and a bookshelf. Sigh, it was in me all along :)

My wardrobe is also changing, which isn't too much of a concern right now but will be once I get a job. I went shopping for black pants the other day with a friend and found that it was a more difficult task than I'd thought. Another problem I discovered is that I love clothing with prints on them but this definitely means that I need clothing without prints to balance them out - hence the black pants. In the past, I never used to pay that much attention to what I wore (unfortunately, this meant that all I wore in high school and college were t-shirts, hoodies and jeans) but after being in Montreal over the past couple of years, I'm starting to have more interest in fashion.

And for some reason, I have plenty more to write - shocking considering the record on this blog - but I'll refrain and save it for additional posts :) One of the things I might mention in the future is this: Lists of Bests.

In other words

2008-08-05T21:02:00.004-06:00

I can understand why people who work on computers all day want to avoid being on them when they get home. That's pretty much where I'm at right now.

Anyways, things have been wonderful since I've gotten back. I went from one wedding to another (somehow I ended up attending three weddings within the span of three weeks!) and then I had a week to organize my room and get rid of school-related stuff that was no longer necessary. Admittedly, this is still a work in progress as nineteen years of schooling doesn't disappear that easily. I'm practically drowning in school supplies and am wondering what to do with it all. I also started work, which was quite a shift from the previous semester and from summer school.

Life post-grad has been interesting to adjust to, and by interesting, I also mean stressful, confusing, fun, and challenging - all of the above being good things, I suppose. As I've mentioned to friends, I've become stressed over the fact that I have no reason to be stressed (i.e. from homework or research) so I've been organizing things to keep me occupied. I do have to admit that I am really enjoying the concept of free time and that I can fill it with things I love doing, like reading or watching movies, things I didn't always have time for in school.

And speaking of reading, although I've spent most of this summer reading fiction so far, I'm hoping to finally get into the untouched non-fiction books that I've collected over the years. One funny thing that I came across today was Amazon's Christian textbook centre, something that would have been fun to see while I was in school. Oh well, if I ever do finish the books that I've accumulated, maybe I can browse for some new ones :)

Life on the other side of the country

2008-07-03T10:39:00.005-06:00

So here are a few of the thoughts that have crossed my mind since living in Montreal for the past month and a bit (some of these started out as Facebook status updates, but were too long for them):

- It's really nice hearing music in the métro stations, especially the Amélie soundtrack on the accordion, but I wonder why I always hear wedding music being played at métro Jean-Talon?
- I've practically had chocolate overdose by now; having Juliette et Chocolat twice within the span of two days (as a dinner) does not seem healthy.
- The weather does not make sense here. Last summer, it was consistently hot and humid, with a couple of rainy days interspersed throughout. This summer, the rain has been extremely erratic (and frequent), almost to the point of imitating Calgary's unpredictable weather patterns.
- In the French program I'm enrolled in, we're each allowed up to three unexcused absences. And in the past three years, I've yet to make use of any of those, although I have to admit that I've been sorely tempted to do so within the past two weeks.
- On the first day of French class, I was seriously expecting the teacher to open in prayer. I guess being in Christian post-secondary education for six years has had a pretty lasting effect on me :)
- Living in the university residences has meant that everyone is on a never-ending quest for toilet paper. When I was at a wedding shower just recently, the first thought in my mind was, "That toilet paper would last about a week, maybe a week and a half. Wait, we're using that up on the bride and throwing it away?!"
- My English is deteriorating and it's not necessarily because my French is improving. Maybe my brain can't handle that many languages at once.
- I have to avoid all parks and the outdoors until after my best friend's wedding. Plus, I'd like to avoid those ugly, huge «bibettes» I've been seeing around in the West Island.
- My list of grocery stores that are in close proximity to the métro stations is slowly growing. I've discovered that there's a Metro right by Jean-Talon (along with the market, which I finally went to!) and a Super C by Lionel-Groulx. I think there's also a Metro near Snowdon, a Provigo near Parc, and the Metro that I went to last summer near Côte-des-Neiges.
- Going to school on Ste-Catherine Est has been bothersome all month. It's not a good part of town and it's always sketchy, no matter what time of day it is.
- Finally, this is my last extended Montreal experience. I've lived here on-and-off over the last four years and it's been such an adventure but I know that I'm ready to head back west and to settle down. Thank you for joining me on this journey - in looking back, it's a bit crazy that I've been able to live this way for that long. Now I'm looking forward to some stability and to establishing a new routine as a non-student, non-constant traveller :)

Pressed for time

2008-07-02T14:49:00.004-06:00

I was going to write a long post today but the computer lab is closing in about ten minutes so I will have to save my thoughts for another time! Other than that, I am alive and happy about leaving the university residences in a few days :)

Delayed response

2008-06-16T15:37:00.002-06:00

So I'm back in Quebec for the third summer in a row and it has been quite interesting. The biggest thing to come out of this experience so far has been the discovery that this is not where God wants me to move, either now or in the near future. It was a difficult decision to come to but I'm grateful that I've made it, especially since I've been praying since graduation about what to do with my life.

Although I've very much enjoyed being here and seeing my friends on this side of the country, I am homesick like crazy and am extremely anxious to head back west. I've never encountered this feeling before, so in a sense, I feel as if God is closing the door on Quebec in my life (not that I'm solely basing my decision on feelings but it's a definite sign). I will continue to pray for the province and the people but I no longer have the desire to be physically present in order to do that. I'm not sure why it took me such a long time to realize this but it sure leaves me with questions about why I'm still here for a few more weeks.

Out of all of the summers I've spent here, this one has been the most scheduled and rigid, making my days not quite so pleasant. Dorm life has been the worst due to the lack of privacy and noise, and I am awaiting the day when I will return home. I've been incredibly grumpy and having five hours of class everyday (with some days going to six-seven hours) is making me fidgety. I really hope that my attitude hasn't affected anyone that I've been spending time with lately; I don't want to be a grumpy complainer.

The reality is that this has been a hard time and it's something that I've brought on myself, so I have to learn how to deal with it. It's been good for drawing closer to God (which is always great) and for seeing how I cope with stress and less than favourable circumstances. So far, I have a long way to go in responding positively but I suppose I should be encouraged that I will come out of this with a stronger character than when I first started.

Rushing around

2008-05-27T13:50:00.002-06:00

This is going to be a short post since I have a lot of things crammed into today! I just got back from a family trip to the States (a mini-reunion of sorts) and am packing today to head off to Montreal first thing in the morning. I'm doing my last load of laundry and trying to figure out what to bring. I also have several last-minute errands to run tonight, so it makes for an insane day. All this to say that I am incredibly thankful for my summer so far even if it's a bit rushed. I'm excited about what God will do in my life and for the things to come... to Him be all the glory (especially as I run around, looking slightly crazed)!

Wishing and hoping

2008-05-04T16:29:00.008-06:00

In continuing the spirit of list-making on this blog, here are my (clichéd) plans and dreams for this summer which thankfully, are a lot less academic than what I had on New Year's Day. So without further ado, this summer, when I'm not working I would like to...
- Read some of the books that I've picked up over the years
- Improve my French
- Learn how to garden
- Cook and bake more
- Finish getting rid of things I don't need (hello church garage sale!)
- ~~Paint my room~~
- ~~Finish reading the Old Testament history books~~
- Enjoy some BBC Classics from the public library
- Maybe learn how to drive standard
- Arrange the recipes I've collected into some orderly fashion
- Learn how to hem and sew buttons on, all of those basic skills
- ~~Recycle past schoolwork~~
- ~~Find black strappy sandals to replace my beloved pair from nine years ago~~ (I've not let go of them just yet)
- Walk around downtown and take in some summer festivals
- ~~Go to the farmer's market (as previously mentioned)~~
- Eat homemade ice cream with Grandma
- Get pictures developed from the past two years
- ~~Have barbecued/grilled corn on the cob~~ (Yum, I did this in southern California!)
- Soak my feet in a lake in the mountains
- Climb a tree
- Spend as much time as I can with people

Wow, I could go on and on but that might get boring and/or tedious. Of course, this list will mostly be for when I'm in town; I have a completely separate list for when I'm out east :)

First reading

2008-04-30T13:10:00.003-06:00

Yes, things have slowed down on here and in my life. I haven't been able to tackle all of the things on my to-do list yet but I like that I have some things to work on over the next few weeks.

I've been able to get back into the Bible again and I'll be finishing up my journey through the New Testament tonight. My goal will be to finish reading the historical books of the Old Testament this summer and then I can start with another go through the Bible in a year program come September.

One of my friends is reading the Bible for the first time. It's been neat to talk about some books with her and to hear her questions about it. When I first received the Bible, I was so adamant that I read it from start to finish; even though my friend suggested that I start in the New Testament, it didn't make any sense to me so away I went. My stubborn self soon ended up getting bogged down somewhere along the way in 1/2 Chronicles (probably) and I could see why she wanted me to not go through the Bible from cover to cover on my first reading. At the same time, I really enjoyed it and although it took me a while to get to the NT, I loved the building sense of anticipation that came as I read through the prophets. I suggested one of the gospels to my friend who hasn't read the Bible before and so I read the beginning of it as well just to see what she might be thinking. Since the accounts of Jesus' life are steeped in Jewish culture, law, and teaching, it makes sense to go through the OT to get the background on that. So now I'm wondering what else I can suggest to my friend so that she doesn't get overwhelmed with the entire Bible while also being able to better understand the parts that she is reading.

I remember that when I first went through the Bible, I needed a lot of help and explanations (I still do!). But what I treasure most from that time was how precious the Scriptures became to me and how I craved to know more and to read more. I hope that I don't lose this wonder and yearning after all those years of biblical studies. What a gift it is to me that God has brought this friend into my life and that I have an opportunity to view the Word of God with fresh eyes again. And I pray that through my friend's encounter with the the Written Word and the Living Word in Jesus Christ that she will be able to hear from God and that the Holy Spirit will give me the words to say in response.

Speechless

2008-04-25T12:39:00.003-06:00

At this point, I don't really have anything to say :) After all of the thesis work from the last few weeks, I'm grateful that I've been able to rest and to participate in actual social activities (yay!). It's been nice to get up in the mornings and not have to turn on the computer, which is why my blogging has now diminished. I'm spending most of this week catching up on things I've neglected all semester/year and will probably continue to do that next week. A lot of it is just sorting through things and getting little errands done that have built up over time. I'm also enjoying all of the grad festivities that are happening this week and celebrating with friends who are now finished school as well! What a relief; I can finally breathe!

C'est tout

2008-04-19T14:07:00.004-06:00

Thesis Thoughts:
"Free, free, I'm free at last! I thank God Almighty I'm free at last!" Yay, I'm finally done! It's been a wonderful feeling just knowing that I don't have that paper weighing down on me anymore. It was a funny sequence of events that led up to the completion of it though, which I'll briefly share.

I only had a few hours left to edit the whole thing yesterday morning and to write a conclusion in the afternoon, which I didn't really end up doing. This meant that I was a few pages short but as I was converting the text from single-space to double-space, the computer made it appear as if I lost a bunch of my pages. So for about ten minutes, I was in utter shock that my project was only fifty or sixty pages long. I couldn't believe that I miscalculated everything that badly and that in the end, my project was no longer than my undergrad thesis was. Finally, the computer started formatting everything correctly and it did come out to the right amount of pages.

Then, as I was printing, the paper got incredibly jammed, which it hasn't done before, and I had to restart the whole batch because pages were getting printed onto two sheets of paper. And as if that wasn't enough (I was really up against the clock by the late afternoon now), the printer ran out of ink. If it wasn't for the "emergency just-in-case ink" that I asked my parents to get for me last week, I would have been toast.

On top of everything, we had a massive snowstorm and my dad was gracious enough to drive me to the school so that I could hand in my thesis and all of my library books. By the time I finally put all the pages together and counted them twice, it was rush hour time and I was certain that the roads would be horrid. It's a good thing I didn't take transit because I never would have made it in time. Well, by the grace of God, I somehow got my thesis in before the office closed - I just about fell over after all the frenetic activity of yesterday afternoon!

I've never really left anything to the last minute like that, but of course the one time that I did and the one time that it counted most, so many things had to go wrong. I guess that's life :)

Non-Thesis Thoughts:
It's slowly sinking in that I am no longer a student. I kind of don't know what to do with myself now... what a strange thought! I don't have deadlines looming over me, research I have to check out, any of that stuff. I'm finally getting to all the joyous purging that I talked about, and tossing out every school thing I no longer need. It's like a sense of finality now. The next few days are going to be really interesting for me; I think I'll be walking around in a daze trying to soak all of this in!

So near and yet so far away

2008-04-17T00:24:00.005-06:00

Thesis Thoughts:
I had my very last class in seminary today so I didn't get much work done on my thesis. My plan was to finish half a chapter this evening but I'm still plugging away at the section I was working on yesterday. Tomorrow is technically my last day on my paper! Obviously, my original plan of finishing everything by today so that I could edit it all tomorrow won't work out. But with the time crunch, I'm really hoping that it'll somehow (miraculously) come together quickly - I've been dragging this paper on for quite a while. This might be far too optimistic a post for where I'm at though :)

Non-Thesis Thoughts:
I started purging some of the paperwork that I've accumulated from my time in seminary today only to force myself to stop; it'll be a much sweeter feeling to do that once I'm done writing. I'm excited that in a few days, I'll be able to clean out my desk and room and to face life as a non-student. I have countless binders full of every notebook, handout and assignment I've written or received since junior high - how sad is that?! Along with these school binders, I have boxes and boxes of paper/brochures/articles/etc. from when I worked at church and did youth ministry and tech ministry. It'll just be nice to recycle a lot of the things I'll never use again and to free my life of all this paper clutter. For now, I need to keep writing before I can do any of that!

Words and more words

2008-04-16T00:39:00.003-06:00

Thesis Thoughts:
I wonder if these updates are as agonizing for people to read as they are for me to write, especially since I'm still in the in-between period where I'm past the stage of starting but am clearly not at the end. I can almost feel the frustration ooze out of these words as I type them. The funny thing is that I've practically lost track of what I've already written so I don't know if I'm saying anything that's different from day to day. It certainly doesn't feel like a lot happens each time I update on here :) Today, for instance, is a wonderful example of that. I had such high hopes of finishing up chapter 1 and half of chapter 2 so that I could finish the rest of chapter 2 and the conclusion tomorrow night but at this moment, I am having a hard time getting to the end of chapter 1. It's turned into a monstrous length and now I'm wondering if I should cut down on chapter 2 so I don't have to write as much. I'm about 3/4 of the way done with my page length so far but only 5/8 through with the content I want to include. Oh boy.

Non-Thesis Thoughts:
I want to be done this paper so badly. I've started placing all of the books I don't need any longer on my dresser and it's a glorious image. Wait, I'm still talking about my thesis down here. And the next thing I want to say is related to it as well (I just wanted to write that there's only so many ways I can begin my sentences and that I've exhausted all of them). Well, in terms of non-school thinking, I am excited about graduation week! It'll be nice to see my friends again and to celebrate with them at the convocation ceremonies and the banquets. I'm mostly just looking forward to leaving my desk and not having to be confined to all of the books and articles surrounding me!

Indecision

2008-04-14T22:52:00.003-06:00

Thesis Thoughts:
I'm halfway done! Pre-editing, of course. I still have about 13 sections to write up (some long, some short) but I've finished 14, so I'm happy that the torture is half over now :) It's unfortunate that I only have a day and a half left to write, but I'm really hoping my brain will just kick into gear somehow and churn out as many words as it can. I keep asking myself why I get into these self-created dilemmas but seeing as how this is the very last assignment I have for school, I'd rather get this done and not analyze why it took me forever to get to this point.

Non-Thesis Thoughts:
Something that I've been noticing a lot these past few weeks is that I'm a bad decision-maker; I always wait until the last minute before deciding if I'll do something or not. Not only is it frustrating for myself but I'm sure it is for others as well. I suppose it's because I like keeping my word so I want to wait until the last possible minute to decide whether I should commit to something. It can be paralyzing at times, which is a bit ridiculous when it's over minor things that probably don't matter too much in the end. The weirdest part of all this is that the Parable of the Two Sons always comes to my mind whenever I face any decision and I don't know why; it's not as if everything is a matter of grave importance. I thought I was getting better with this but maybe since I'm super busy with school right now, I'm allowing myself to become ambivalent about social activities and other little things and it's actually a form of putting off decision-making. Hmm, I'll have to think about this some more after I'm done writing (as in putting off yet another thing? Why, yes).

Sleepy eyes

2008-04-13T00:34:00.003-06:00

Thesis Thoughts:
Ouch, I need to eat my words. I thought I was a fairly fast writer having churned out paper after paper this semester (well, for the last six years, really) but I'm just as slow as molasses. One of my friends was working on something that took him hours and I shared my surprise at that; now, I'm at about the same rate. I'm almost finished a chapter - two more pages to go! - but I've spent the entire day on it. The worst news is that the majority of it was already written but I had to tweak nearly all of it to fit my new topic better. So really, I can't gauge how fast I can write. This might be dangerous for the remaining two chapters and the conclusion I have left. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get all that done....

Non-Thesis Thoughts:
I've been listening to a mixture of opera, cabaret songs, and choral music today, meaning I've had quite the fill of English, French, German, and Latin. The music has been quite slow though, perhaps that has affected the speed at which I've been writing? I did get a lot more done when I was listening to an old 90s pop album. Ah-ha, that could be the trick! Anyways, I have church and a wedding shower tomorrow so I won't have any time to work on my paper until the evening. If I'm not feeling too tired, I'll think about staying up late to finally finish a chapter and move on to the other ones - too bad all-nighters are out of the question for me! It's going to be a lovely 22 degrees though, hooray for skirt weather :)

Shorter days

2008-04-11T13:08:00.004-06:00

Thesis Thoughts:
Well, chapter one is still a figment of my imagination. I got so frustrated with it that I moved onto part of chapter two and will be looking at another part of chapter three today. I recalculated my schedule and I only have two and a half days to finish this project. It feels like it's never-ending (and yet the end is coming too quickly)!

Non-Thesis Thoughts:
Should I even be having any? I fell asleep last night thinking of additional ways I could improve some of my paragraphs. My brain hurts.

Skipping along

2008-04-10T11:41:00.002-06:00

Thesis Thoughts:
I was so tired yesterday after class that I really wanted to take a nap, so I did everything I could to force myself to at least finish the introduction, which I finally did. Phew, but now I have the remainder of the paper to go. I'm attempting to start chapter one today (something that I probably mentioned a few days ago but didn't get around to). Correction, I'm attempting to finish the first chapter today :) Good thing I have lots of fun music to listen to while I dredge up some history and statistical analysis for the next eight-ten hours!

Non-Thesis Thoughts:
1. We have Montreal-like weather today; I don't think I've seen this much snow since last year. It feels like I'm back in Quebec.
2. On top of the thesis I'm writing, I have to plan a wedding shower for this weekend. Ordinarily, this would be fine but trying to meet with everyone and getting things done is taking a toll on me and my paper.
3. I only have one more class left and then I am finished sitting in school (ironically, I think we'll be talking about funerals next week)!
4. I only have three days left of writing before I have to edit my paper and hand it in before my prof flies off to a different continent. 3 days = Chapters 1-3 + Conclusion. Sigh.
5. It's supposed to be 20 degrees this weekend?! That'd be great for the shower but it means we'd have to have a really mighty chinook come in over the next few days. At least I don't have to go outside today!

Pounding headaches

2008-04-08T12:31:00.002-06:00

Thesis Thoughts:
I'm so happy that one of my friends has finished her thesis! There are three other people I know of who are still working on theirs, and two people whom I haven't talked to lately who may or may not be close to being done. At least we can all commiserate together! I ended up going to Bible study so I didn't get any further work done yesterday; I'll have to finish my introduction and get going on chapter one today. I have a lot of material for chapters two-three because of my prior work but I'm not anyway closer to where I thought I'd be. It was a good thing that I went last night though; I think being cooped up was making me extra grumpy and I needed to actually get out and talk to people :)

Non-Thesis Thoughts:
For some reason, I absolutely need 8 hours of sleep every night now. If I get less - even if I'm only one hour short - I end up with a dull and pounding headache. I'm not sure why this is happening to me; I used to be able to function on 3-5 hours of sleep each night in high school (it was a combination of crazy transit and excess homework from an overachieving school). And despite the fact that I pulled many all-nighters in college, I don't think I can even try that anymore. Am I just getting old?! I suppose it's a good thing my social calendar has been reduced to almost nothing so that I don't have to worry about not getting enough sleep, although it would be nice to get up earlier in the mornings. Oh, am I going to enjoy sweet freedom in about two weeks!

A certain measure of routine

2008-04-07T15:48:00.004-06:00

Thesis Thoughts:
I'm not quite on a roll but I do have much more momentum than I've had in past weeks. It's also comforting to know that I have a wealth of information I can draw from, even if it is daunting to look at it all. At this point, I'm saying no to further research unless it is something I must look up online to substantiate a claim I'm making; other than that, I am refraining from searching for any more articles and websites. I have bits and pieces here and there for the majority of my chapters so I'm just finishing up the introduction right now before I delve into the other topics again.

Non-Thesis Thoughts:
The Complete Jane Austen ended on PBS last night. It's been nice to have these movies as a part of my semester; now that it has wrapped up, it feels a little bit like losing a friend on Sunday nights. I think one of my goals for this summer will be to reread/read all of Austen's novels, in addition to rereading the Chronicles of Narnia. I'm thinking of bringing along a few books with me on my summer travels - something I haven't been able to do before outside of textbooks - so it may be my opportunity to finally get into some Elizabeth Gaskell. Needless to say, I am very anxious to read fun, non-school books again!

Let's see how far this goes

2008-04-06T15:49:00.005-06:00

Thesis Thoughts:
Ugh, I'm not as far along as I'd hoped for for today. I did have two fun revelations this weekend though; the first being that I have already some material I can use and the second being that the Government of Canada has published a lovely analysis series that interprets their census statistics, meaning I don't have to do this myself. Now if only I could just get to some actual writing! I went through most of the government's documents that pertain to my paper topic last night only to get distracted by the final Flames game against the Canucks. It's one of the few times that I've been able to enjoy some hockey all semester, which is silly since this is the busiest time ever right now.

Non-Thesis Thoughts:
Church was absolutely wonderful this morning; it is always such a joy to hear a solid message straight from the Bible. I love that our pastor does expository preaching and even though we're in the middle of a topical series right now, it is still just as amazing since it's completely grounded in Scripture. It was such a blessing to hear Handel's "Hallelujah" chorus by our choir and orchestra as well (and to stand up for it). I greatly appreciate how much goes into the worship and the teaching each week as it fills me up anew and definitely sets my week aright. As for the rest of this Sabbath day, I'm going to rest a little bit and maybe finish reading some articles for my paper. I hope to get back at it first thing tomorrow and to have a more productive week (as in having pages written). There is the temptation for me to miss Bible study so that I can get more work done but I haven't fully decided if I will skip it or not. Missing church is something I would not allow myself to do under any circumstances but apparently, I don't feel quite that strongly about Bible study. I guess I'll see how much I write tomorrow and if I'm "in the zone", then I won't go, although we will be studying one of my favourite epistles....

Saturday musings

2008-04-05T14:32:00.004-06:00

Thesis Thoughts:
I've been stressing over this thesis for the past week, but it just hit me last night that my adviser has given me prior permission to use last semester's term project for this paper. This means I already have material that I am allowed to use again, which was part of the original agreement I made, something that has apparently slipped my mind until now. Wow, do I ever forget important things!

While I'm fixing up some of those pages, I'm also doing a bit of research on Statistics Canada and Theses Canada. In looking up information through the Government of Canada, I came across this handy list of religions in Canada, which is really fascinating. Part of what I'm writing about is that the Canadian census uses outdated religious categories to classify people (going back to 100 years ago) and that this is not truly reflective of current society. For instance, there is no way to accurately measure Christians of an evangelical persuasion (whether by theology or church denomination), making census analysis somewhat difficult. I haven't quite found a thesis that discusses this yet but there are some interesting topics that people have written on!

Non-Thesis Thoughts:
Some of my travel plans are confirmed, hooray! It's not all fully booked yet but I figure I'll have more time for that after my thesis. Yes, that's what I have to keep telling myself. And, well I guess this is thesis-related but I have finally discovered the difference in the placement of the date of publication within bibliographic entries! If you put the year following the author's name, it's because you're using the reference list style, which is used with parenthetical references. But since I always use the footnote system, the year must follow the publishing company. I have actually cited my sources incorrectly for four years of college - what a great thing to figure out at the end of grad school, eh?

Evangelism techniques

2008-04-04T15:49:00.005-06:00

This new book looks like it may just be the next big thing in Bible college trends ;) Move over friendship evangelism, "flirtational evangelism is the wave of the future." Okay, back to real research now! (HT: Joshua Harris)

Almost daily log

2008-04-04T15:09:00.002-06:00

I think for the remainder of the two weeks that I have left to write my thesis that I will refrain from using Facebook. It's become very time-consuming trying to keep up with the wall posts and I've been declining so many event invitations over the past month that I don't think I'll be missing anything if I ignore it for a while. I'll probably use my blog to post a few thoughts about how my research project is going but that'll be it for now.

Thesis Thoughts:
As of today, I have come to the conclusion that I am over-expending my efforts on things that aren't that helpful for my paper. I spent a couple of days last week going through five books and trying to find useful information from them, leaving me with 18 pages of notes. I don't think I'll even use all of these notes, plus I have another 60 books to go through. I guess I'll have to scrap my idea of going through each text carefully; it's not the best use of my time! Also, I've compiled a bibliography that is 19 pages and counting but again, that means I have to go through them all! It's unfortunate that I can hunt down that many sources yet not do anything with them. I think the best thing for me to do at this point is just to start writing and to worry about the sources later.

Non-Thesis Thoughts:
I took a break from my thesis last night and watched Holmes on Homes with my parents. I don't often watch TV anymore with the exception of Masterpiece (yay for Jane Austen!) and the news, but it was fun to catch something on HGTV. Ever since they stopped airing my favourite shows (Mission: Organization, Neat, and Small Space, Big Style), I haven't tuned in as much but last night's episode of HoH was reminiscent of these organization shows. It was horrifying to see how much junk this couple had accumulated and my mom became so disgusted at it that I convinced her to go through the house from top to bottom with me this summer, throwing out/donating everything we don't need. I have seriously been waiting all year to do this - I guess if I can finish my paper early, my reward will be to start cleaning earlier :)

A few meanderings

2008-04-03T18:06:00.004-06:00

1. I noticed a bus stop Bible study on the train today, which was an unexpected surprise. I had heard about it a couple of months ago but didn't think that we would already have them in Calgary. I'll keep my eyes peeled for more in the coming weeks and to see if they will appear in different formats.

2. After so many years of wanting to get a hymnal for myself (and mentioning it on here), I went to one of the Christian bookstores in town only to discover that they no longer carried them! What a shock! I've checked the other stores' websites but they're not available there either. In fact, the one I'm after can only be found through Amazon in the States and Word Music, which I suppose isn't that bad although the shipping and handling fees might end up doubling the cost of the book.

3. I'm intrigued by farmers' markets, especially since I've yet to go to the Calgary Farmers' Market, Marché Jean-Talon, or Marché Atwater. Wait, I think I've been to the Atwater one but it was in the wintertime. I spent all last summer in Montreal and went near Jean-Talon once or twice but didn't make it to the market somehow; I shall have to correct that this year.

4. So yes, I'm heading back to Montreal again this summer. Surprise, surprise (okay, no one is actually surprised - one of my friends even predicted it weeks before I knew anything myself). I'm excited that I'll get to go back there this summer, and more so in that I'll get to see my friends again. I was thinking of who I could invite to my graduation but most of the names that popped into my head were of those who live far too many provinces away to be able to attend. I guess I'll have to celebrate my graduation over there as well :)

5. I'm thinking of getting a hostelling membership but I haven't decided if I'll end up using it enough before its expiry date. I'm looking into potential European trips but there is still a lot up in the air. Unfortunately, this is taking away from my thesis time; therefore, I need to stop planning and get writing! Oh, the temptations of travel to lure me away from research.

At a standstill

2008-04-02T22:56:00.005-06:00

I feel like I have nothing to write at this point, which is not particularly helpful for my research project. I was telling one of my friends who is studying in a different province this semester that I am completely numb. I've spent the past year thinking about my topic and discussing it with people, but it hasn't resulted in anything. She mentioned that she was going through the same thing and that she couldn't get the thoughts in her head out onto paper either. I'm wondering if this is a ghastly symptom for the end of the semester in that our brains just cannot connect with our fingers due to stress. I'm finding lots of helpful material in the research I've accumulated over the year but I can't seem to put anything together. So technically, I am still on page 0 of my thesis.

It's a miserable feeling really. I know where I want to go with my arguments but I'm having the most difficult time even starting. If this is what writer's block feels like, I'll be content to not have to write anything for the next year. I was looking at what I wrote in the last post, and while I do want this to be an edifying project, I'm not too motivated to aspire for that anymore. I guess all this to say that my thesis is making me incredibly grumpy. I wish I had another semester to work on this but since I only have less than two weeks, I should do something so that I can get over this frustrating mood. I'm sad that this makes me not such a pleasant person to be around; perhaps that's good for being a hermit in the next few weeks?

(This less-than-exciting post is brought to you by procrastination, panic, lack of creativity, and an unhealthy dose of desperation).

Minor milestone

2008-03-25T17:57:00.005-06:00

At this very moment, I feel a bit more lighthearted :) I have just finished two courses, which is the remainder of the coursework for my degree! Yes, I still have the massively overwhelming thesis over my head but I am free from everything else now - hooray! I'm afraid I've been using this blog as nothing more than a way to keep track of everything I've had to do all semester, but it has been nice to chart my slow progress. It's come later than expected but regardless, I'm thrilled that my attention is no longer divided between four other classes and that I can concentrate solely on my thesis topic!

There's a verse on my wall that I posted when I began seminary. It's from Matthew 25:21 and it says,

His master replied, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!"

I knew when I started school again that I would need a constant reminder to be a diligent worker with my assignments on a daily basis. I have such a long way to go but I'm grateful that I've been able to change my perspective on tasks that I once thought to be only tedious. However, as I look back now, I'm able to see the ways in which those little things have built up. I'm hoping that I can keep this perspective as I tackle my one last thing now; I want to be faithful with what God has entrusted me with, which includes completing my project well. I want my words to be edifying and to serve a purpose as I put them together. It'll be a daunting few weeks but I am praying that I won't see this thesis as merely a hurdle to cross to get to graduation but that it will be something that points to His glory. If it can be a paper that I am actually delighted with (as opposed to resigned with), then I have to believe that it will have all been worth it!

Typing frenzy

2008-03-19T01:35:00.003-06:00

I can hardly believe it but my distance ed course is finally finished (58 pages later)! Well, sort of. In an effort to make these classes a bit more interactive, the school has forced all students to dialogue with each other via an internet forum. I've done this before for one of the classes that I took with actual people but I didn't make the most of it since I posted all of my entries in the last week of the semester. So much for interaction - it was more like a torturous version of "write something not completely terrible and find the easiest post to respond to," which I suspect I will be doing once again. I'll leave that for tomorrow, along with my very last assignment for the semester apart from my thesis!

So onto thesis (non) news: One of my friends has to write a 40 page thesis in 7 days. I have to write a 100 page thesis in 25 days. Needless to say, things are looking quite worrisome for the both of us now. I'm supposed to present something to my adviser next week so I'll see how I manage before then. I doubt I'll get a whole chapter done but I'd hate to disappoint my adviser once again, considering I haven't had anything to show him all semester yet. The pickles that I get myself into, sigh. I'm just relieved that after Thursday, I'll be two classes closer to graduation. People have been really sweet to me and getting excited about my finishing school but inside, I'm terrified that I won't be able to make it. My friend has a major concert coming up that's going to consume a lot of her time, so I'm praying that she can make her deadline. I'm begging God that I can do the same. Thus, the next few days are going to be a whirlwind of flying through books and typing whatever I can, and wouldn't you know it but my poor fingers are already trembling :)

Early Easter

2008-03-12T01:59:00.002-06:00

I briefly brought this up with my friends tonight but didn't remember the exact references to the years so I thought I'd post it on here. This year, Easter is on the 2nd earliest possible date that it can be on, which has not happened since 1913 and will not occur again until 2160. That's pretty cool :)

I'm looking forward to the Good Friday service at my church and to prepare myself for the end of the Lenten season (which, admittedly I have not done too well with this year), I've been listening to some hymns about Christ's death. I wish I owned a copy of the hymnal that's used at church but I don't. I should rectify this very soon since I'd love to have the words before me as I flip through some familiar songs; Christian bookstores sell hymnals, right?

Anyways, as I've been hearing songs like Were You There and O Sacred Head, Now Wounded, I can't help but think about a comment that one of my classmates made last semester. He was telling us how he and his wife wanted to get married on the Easter weekend but that his pastor didn't want to marry them on that Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. The pastor's reasoning was that the Saturday in between was a time of mourning; therefore, my classmate and his wife ended up getting married on the Sunday because that was when the true rejoicing and celebration could take place.

I think as Protestants, we have generally become very quick to jump to the Sunday. I do love that we have all the hope and the joy in the world to look forward to since our Lord is resurrected but I also wonder what it would be like to really dwell on the sadness and grief that covered the dark days preceding Sunday. There's a song on the radio that's been playing for a while now by Tree63 called "Sunday" that I quite like and every time I hear it, it helps me to remember that I need to fully experience the Friday that happened before and to feel its gravity so that Sunday means all the much more. Here are some of its lyrics:

Broken promises, weary hearts
But one promise remains:
Crucified, He will come again
It's Friday, but Sunday is coming
It's Friday, but Sunday is coming

Chorus:
Sunday – Hallelujah – it's not so far, it's not so far away
Sunday – Hallelujah – it's not so far, it's not so far away

For some reason, Easter hits my heart more deeply than Christmas does (not to diminish Christmas at all though - the incarnation is truly wondrous news!). I think it's due to the simplicity of the holiday and how I'm not so distracted by having to do all of the things I typically would have to do for Christmas. It somewhat sneaks up on me, while at the same time consuming all of my attention because it's impossible to miss. The message of Christ who died and was raised to life again is so overwhelming that I am grateful for the season of preparation and reflection; what a change from the chaos of Christmas. It's a time to really ponder the cross and the empty grave. In these coming days, I hope to gain a deeper understanding of the Passion Week and to take the time to live through each of those days, absorbing all that there is to the Friday, Saturday and (glorious!) Sunday.

Printemps

2008-03-08T13:48:00.003-07:00

I love taking strolls on days like this - it's so bright, refreshing, and cheery! I'm glad that I got to enjoy the sunniest reading break ever (okay, it's been my only reading break ever) and I'd have to say it was nice not to have to face all the snowstorms in Montreal. And now, the gorgeous weather seems to be continuing; what a nice start to March!

I've been plugging away on my course projects and it's been great to get a few things done. This week was a little impossible in terms of getting everything finished since it was pretty full but it was lovely to see a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while. All in all, I have had a church meeting, three academic meetings, four restaurant outings with former professors and classmates, and four meetings at peoples' houses in the past five days. I had to cancel a few other plans unfortunately but no wonder I'm feeling a little run-down! I hope I can catch up with a lot of things this weekend :)

In non-school news, I'm really excited to hear that there will be a Canadian "Do Not Call" registry that will be up and running this fall. For some reason, I have been bombarded with an excessive amount of telemarketing calls over the last few months and it's been driving me nuts! Of all the calls I receive, maybe 2 out of 10 calls are actually legitimate; the rest fall into the category of hurried-speaking-indicating-some-marketing-pitch call. I usually end up ignoring them but really, when they keep calling during the evenings when I am trying to do my homework, it's somewhat frustrating. It'll be nice if this registry does become one step closer toward eliminating these pesky calls!

Relief and panic

2008-03-01T07:51:00.002-07:00

Now that the drama from the previous post is over, I can share a bit more. The letter I received this week came bearing the unfortunate news that I could not graduate at all this year, despite my best efforts to coordinate the logistics of my program on my own so that I could (at this school, it's the student's responsibility to plan their schedule, not the registrar's). Well, that was quite upsetting as it was completely unexpected, especially since I had been told twice this year that I did meet the graduation requirements. It ended up being a strange misunderstanding and things are better sorted out now, so I am relieved. At the same time, it also means that I have two weeks left to finish an entire course; thus, the panic is setting in once again. I'm actually going to be super-ambitious and try to finish three courses in the next two weeks - it's do-able if I maintain my diligence and apply a strict schedule to my days but it means I can't exactly do anything spontaneous. This is infinitely better than having to wait an entire year just to graduate though.

Well, I am grateful that this situation didn't end up as bad as I thought it would be. It's a good thing most of our worries never really materialize, hey? The primary reason I was frustrated was because this has happened to me before and it just felt like it was going to be another unending battle with paperwork and administration. The paperwork problems that I encountered last summer so that I could register for this year alone were enough of a headache so I didn't really want to do that again. Thankfully, things are a bit less complicated this time around as the problem is only with one class as opposed to a barrage of things. Wait, last time, it was only one class as well! Maybe this is a trend within my life; if I decide to go for additional postgraduate studies, I should see if this happens to me once again. After this week, I think I'm a bit more prepared to expect the unexpected from school - a good lesson indeed. I just hope my emotions don't go flying all over the place in the future like it did this week :)

Crashing down

2008-02-26T21:15:00.002-07:00

I'm pretty bummed out, upset, frustrated, peeved, all of the above right now. It's an unusual state for me to be in, meaning that it takes a lot to get into that type of mood in the first place. I received a devastating letter today and I've been trying to process it all day long. Part of this processing has involved a lot of caustic comments floating around in my head that I've been trying to rein in. I'm hoping that I can make an appointment tomorrow to discuss the content of the letter - with as much grace as I can muster, given the situation. I'm honestly shocked and appalled and this letter has come at the worst time. I suppose I'm being a bit melodramatic so far but I'd rather be purposely vague at this point in case the letter is a mistake. Sometimes no news really is good news. I'm just sad that this bad news had to ruin a typically chipper day for me. But what a good day for prayer - that is my only consolation thus far. I'm glad I'm reading through Job right now as some of the laments in there are quite timely for me (although not to as severe an extent obviously). What remains for me is a lot of trusting in God, and that He will help me accept the circumstances if things turn for the worse - eek!

*Update: I've made my appointment. Now to figure out what to say, how to say it and leaving everything else in God's hands! Once it's all sorted out (or not, depending on the outcome), I'll be less ambiguous about it :)

Sunday afternoons

2008-02-24T14:16:00.007-07:00

There is something so freeing and wonderful about Sunday afternoons, especially after I get back from church in the morning. It's as if the whole day is welcome to any number of possibilities. In high school, a friend and I would go to one of the local Italian restaurants after church; I always ordered the same dish (still do) and it got to the point where the staff would recognize us and even know what I was going to order. That was a nice feeling and a comforting routine, which usually led to other fun activities following the meal.

In college, my schedule was much more sporadic and so I would usually switch between service times from week to week. When I used to work at the library, I would attend church on Saturday nights, which would mean cheesecake afterwards every once in a while. As much as this made for yummy (and fattening) times, I still preferred going to church on Sundays - Sundays feel light and open for some reason. I ended up going on Sunday evenings for a while so that I could meet up with some friends but there's something disheartening about getting out of church and it being pitch-black outside. It just makes me want to curl up and wish that it was the beginning of the weekend rather than the end of it. The darkness leaves me with no motivation to face the upcoming week (granted, this mostly pertains to the wintertime with the shorter hours of daylight).

So I've decided to go back to church on Sunday mornings once again. Personally, I love, love, love the earlier service because of the hymns and the traditional feel but while I'm in school, I have the absolute hardest time getting up in time for it - much less the later service! Summer is fantastic for the early service because I can miraculously get up early and enjoy the whole day of sunshine. Another reason I like early Sunday mornings is because of the lack of traffic, allowing me to belt out worship songs at the top of my lungs to the radio (bad image/sound, I know) and not having curious drivers look at me while I do so. Actually, I still do this even though I attend the later morning service and the roads are more crowded ;)

I guess what I love most about leaving church while it's gorgeous and bright outside is seeing the sky reflect the state of my soul and how it feels so refreshed after feeding on the Word of God. (And yes, we do have the most number of sunny days year-round in all of Canada, so this analogy pans out). I walk out of church with an air of lightness; if it wasn't for the number of people who go to this service, I'd practically skip out of the doors (hmm, is there a correlation between my attitude and the colour of the sky?!).

And since there are usually few concrete plans for these lazy afternoons, I can do whatever strikes my mood each Sunday. I can go home and take an afternoon nap. I can go out to lunch with a friend. I can go to a bookstore and content myself with browsing the shelves. I can dive into a book that I've just borrowed from the church library. I can clean my room and get a fresh start to the week. I can go for a walk in different parts of the city or leave the city. I can finally catch up on emails, although this can sometimes be more of a chore than a fun task. I can also decide to do homework if I so choose :)

As for this Sunday afternoon, I've wasted enough time on the internet. I'm going to finish clearing out my church bulletins (yes, I am guilty of having saved every single one from each church I've been to in my life and am now removing some of the bulletin inserts to make room for more bulletins - what a sad confession for an unclutterer), crack open a fun book, look over one of my courses and watch the conclusion to Pride and Prejudice on Masterpiece tonight. What a fun Sunday; what a good God who has given us rest and fun and a chance to do something different from all the other days of the week!

My only wish? That Sunday afternoons lasted much, much longer. I'm definitely looking forward to the eternal rest of God that He promises to His people. For more about resting and delighting in Sunday afternoons (or any other time/day of the week), I recommend The Rest of God. I finished this last week and it was such a pleasure to read.

Premature hooray

2008-02-22T14:40:00.009-07:00

I am now ~~3/4~~ ~~4/5~~ ~~9/10~~ finished my Master's degree! This means that I still have ~~five~~ ~~four~~ ~~two~~ zero courses to finish, but I've been hard at work trying to get as many assignments as I can out of the way so that I can pretty much spend each day and night in the later half of March on my thesis. ~~I have about half of the papers done for two courses, leaving me with just two more things to hand in for those classes.~~ The biggest burden will be starting and finishing my distance ed in only one month (as opposed to the eight that they give you) since I have to get the transcripts sent to my school before grad. I feel so ridiculous in that I have to go through a nightmarish time again with distance learning, but I suppose it serves me right for having put it off since September (!). It's clear I still haven't learned anything since the last incident :)

I'm pretty sad that reading break is almost over as I have had a wonderful time finishing one course and working on other projects this past week. Family Day was lots of fun; I ended up spending it with my friends by making a grand meal together. I also attended a Homework Party, which was awesome because I got to catch up with my dear friend with whom I was supposed to have Thesis Club this semester. I'm hoping that if I keep plugging away at my work, I may be able to attend Thesis Club in March! Well, this school update isn't exactly riveting but I'm breathing a huge sigh of relief in that I'm slowly getting there. If I can have the energy and the discipline to get through next month, then April and May are going to be glorious (I pray).

I'm also trying to get a lot of work done this week because my friends and I are planning on going on a road trip next weekend and it'll be nice not to bring too much homework with me. I'll probably bring a few books because it'll be about fourteen or more combined hours of driving but I would much rather spend the time chatting and not thinking about school. I'm incredibly grateful that God has helped get me through this month so far and that I'm not feeling too overwhelmed with work... yet. Forgive me if the next series of posts on here are going to be very mundane blurbs about schoolwork - it's going to consume most of my time but I'm sure it'll be worth it in the end. And now to reward myself with a bit of dark chocolate for getting one step closer to graduation!

Holidays and writing

2008-02-14T09:28:00.008-07:00

I'm inadvertently wearing pink - how appropriate for Valentine's Day :) I don't really celebrate this holiday, except for the fun cards that we used to give and receive in elementary school, so I'm treating it like every other day - somewhat like St. Patrick's Day since I'm not Irish. Truthfully, I'm more looking forward to Family Day since it'll be the first one that I've been able to celebrate in the last four years. I've spent the last three Family Days in Quebec, which is alright since it's typically our "out-around-the-town" day but it's not the same since a) there is no Family Day in Quebec and b) I'm far from my own family, defeating the purpose of the holiday. It'll also be good because it means my friends won't be in school or working that day, so maybe we can get together a little earlier for Bible study and not have to worry about leaving so late :)

It's been so nice writing a few more posts than in recent months even though I've been a little blogged-out lately. I started another blog this week for a school assignment and it's been filled with super-long and super-theological entries. I realize I'm writing less and less about what I'm learning in school on here, as opposed to how my blog was in the first few years, but I appreciate that I can dump whatever has been happening in my life into posts without having to cite sources or provide biblical references for every thought I have. I suppose that's one of the things you get used to in seminary, but it sure adds a lot of extra work when all you want to do is spout off what's in your brain or make lists like I tend to do.

So, in a non-academic writing style, here is what has been happening with me. Some of my dearest friends are now off on their first term on the mission field. I miss them terribly but am thrilled that they are actually out there doing frontier missions, which is what they have been preparing for the last several years of their lives. Another good friend is going to be heading off next week to do the same thing in a neighbouring country. The fun thing is that they'll be working with the same people group and learning the same languages (although with different organizations), so my hope is that I can maybe visit them in a few years and see how they're doing on the other side of the world :)

Also, a bunch of my classmates have just gone through the accreditation process with the school denomination, and it's made me think about whether I should seek accreditation or licensing/certification with either the other denomination or with my own. I figure that if I've spent the last few years in school getting trained in ministry and theology, that I might as well become "official" somewhere, but I'm not sure how and what this will look like. Going with the school denomination would be beneficial since I hear the process is quite rigorous and it would open me up to do global missions work with them, but I'm not so sure that I fit in with all of their views, theologically and otherwise. The flip-side is that I really like my own denomination, although I think the opportunities to work with them globally are more limited. I guess I'll have to wait and find out what God has in store for me after graduation so that I can make a more informed decision!

In terms of life after grad - something that one of my friends refers to as the 'question of the century' - I'm still not sure. I made a list the other day of all the things I want to do, but none of those things include uh, shall we say, active employment. I would like to get a job after I finish school, but I have all of these other things that I've been hoping to accomplish or experience as well. A couple of these items have been deferred for a while, and I keep telling myself that there's not another time in my life when I can necessarily do them (well, maybe there is and I'm unaware of it at this point, but still!). Anyways, I'm going to get back to reality and homework right now, and I'll leave those plans and dreams for another time when I'm finished with my coursework....

Patience is a virtue

2008-02-09T00:26:00.008-07:00

I quite like making lists (believe me, I have a notebook full of them!) so I thought I'd share a few things that I have been waiting for lately:
1. ~~For my flu to go away - and to stay away for the rest of the semester.~~
2. For my hair to grow back to normal; this might take another year.
3. ~~For a free day when I can sit down and fully complete all of the requirements for this one particular course that's been driving me nuts.~~
4. ~~For graduation day... although I feel a bit bittersweet about this one.~~
5. ~~For people to stop giving me a quizzical look about why I'm still in school~~ :) (Actually, I get more people asking me how many years I have left - now I can say none!!)
6. ~~For my books to arrive in the mail (umm, happy Valentine's Day to me?).~~
7. ~~For a chance to visit Grandma.~~
8. ~~For the day that I will no longer have to write book reports/reviews!~~ I love reading books but I'm getting tired of going through them for the sake of writing some sort of paper afterwards to appease my profs.
9. ~~For some time to finally go to H&M in town~~ (now I just have to stop saying the store name in French!).
10. ~~For the day that I will no longer have to carry student ID with me~~; okay, I guess I will miss the U-Pass.
11. ~~For another free day this week when I can sit down and write the introduction to my thesis so as to get the ball rolling.~~ (Okay, this ended up taking several days, and did not actually happen until the beginning of April - how sad.)
12. ~~For reading break when I will hole myself up in my room and most likely listen to all of the music on my computer while plugging away at the copious amount of writing I'll have to do.~~ (It's over already?! What happened to this copious amount of writing I spoke of - why is it non-existent?!)
13. ~~For some time this summer to try a bunch of new recipes and to cook a whole lot more than I've been able to as a student.~~
14. ~~For the month of May in which I will completely sort and purge everything I own, hooray!~~ (Almost there!)
15. For... life? I feel like I'm stuck in a perpetual limbo right now and I'm having a hard time seeing past the books and papers. My friends were talking about whether they should go into grad school right after they finish their undergrad degrees and although I do recommend it, I have to admit that I am beyond the state of weariness at this point. That is all - back to daily living now, which mostly comprises of the lack of sleep ;)

Sniffles

2008-01-31T18:45:00.000-07:00

So, the week that was supposed to be my "productivity" week has now become my sick week. I thought I managed to avoid catching the cold, flu, or whatever other sickness that has been floating around, but I couldn't escape after all. Within my Bible study group, there were two sick people and among my classmates, there were at least three - I suppose I was bound to have a case of the sniffles at some point! Perhaps it's a good thing that I caught it during retreat week since I didn't end up missing any classes. On the other hand, I would have loved to spend this time finishing up about five or so book reviews that I need to hand in and doing a bit more research work for my thesis. I can't believe it's already the end of January and I still have a million things to do, so much so that graduation may prove to be elusive :( Ack, I'm hoping I'll be back to normal as soon as possible so that I can tackle my homework. As much as being sick is a nice excuse for leisure reading (my brain couldn't really handle anything heavier than that) and watching a few period dramas, I am slightly concerned that grad is less than 3 months away and I still have such a daunting courseload! Maybe I should read a textbook tonight to try and redeem my sick week....

Life or something like it

2008-01-15T15:19:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in an email to a friend today, I am ridiculously overloaded this semester and the blame is entirely on me. I was just peering at the list I made on New Year's Day and boy, does it look impossible! The happy news is that I've turned down plans to attend some missions events (the logistics would have never worked out) but the sad news is that I can't take part in Thesis Club due to my crazy schedule. I'm settling into my semester so far and am attempting to get all of the weekly course requirements out of the way this month so that I can focus on my thesis later on. I'm really going to have to buckle down and get as disciplined as I can!

I wish I had more exciting news to share on here but as usual, school is taking over any semblance I have of a life :) I am thrilled that graduation is coming closer (albeit the excitement is mixed with a sense of dread that my foolishness may get me into trouble) and that I can tell people that it's my last semester of school. I have a feeling that most people think I've been in school for too long, but I'm assuming they think I'm still finishing up my undergrad. In any case, I am anticipating the days when I can live life rather than only thinking about it - well, I suppose I am living life now but it's quite restricted to books and papers!

One thing I have really appreciated about my last year of seminary has been the Bible study group that one of my friends started after countless pleas to try and get together. I'm sure glad that God laid it on his heart - bless his patience! - since it's been a wonderful thing for all of us who are in the group. Right now, the majority of us are struggling with school and family concerns, so after a very much needed time of prayer together recently, I'm hoping that we are all feeling refreshed and renewed to press on. Since I'm writing my thesis on the topic of the church, I've definitely treasured the Christian community that I've had these past few months. God has answered my prayers for a small group to belong to in a grand way! Now I just need them to help keep me accountable with all this school stuff and that would be splendid :)

"Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another — and all the more as you see the Day approaching." - Hebrews 10:25

Year in review

2008-01-03T17:10:00.000-07:00

After coming across these CBC News review quizzes today, I wondered how I would fare between my hometown and the city that I resided in last summer. Not surprisingly, I did pretty horribly for the city that I spent the majority of my time in last year. There were more than a couple of questions that left me positively stumped, which makes me think that I've been a bit of a recluse with my schoolwork keeping me away from society.
On the other hand, I knew I'd do much better with the news from Quebec, so hooray for a better score on this quiz :) Maybe I'm more intentional about learning what's happening in Montreal since I'm not living there any longer; too bad the same can't be said about local news! I may be off to a good start so far though, knowing that Alberta is enforcing a smoking ban, that Calgary cat owners need to get licences, and that we are the first Canadian city to reduce trans-fats from restaurants.

Happy 2008!

2008-01-01T19:39:00.011-07:00

I can hardly believe that another year has passed by and that I'm already embarking on a new one! Although I've been quite occupied during the past year, it has been simply wonderful. I'm quickly learning that a full life is very much a rich life (as viewed retrospectively, of course). In looking back at some of the experiences that I had in 2007 - much of which has not been chronicled on this blog unfortunately - it's been really neat to see what God has brought me through.

The beginning of my winter semester was spent preparing for my return to Montreal during reading break for the third time, which was such a blessing. I was able to reconnect with my friends and to make some plans for my summer internship. However, I also spent the majority of the winter semester nursing a horrible cold/flu/something that I caught while in la belle province, which did not leave me until classes were finished in April. While that wouldn't be too much on its own, I was also taking the heaviest courseload ever, so it was definitely a time of reliance on God. Let's just say that the end of the semester couldn't come soon enough :)

Then I went straight into a spring course, which had its own equally demanding requirements. I ended up having to take all of my research and work across the country while I was doing my internship. Thankfully, I was able to finish everything on time for that class so that I could spend a more intense time in language and cultural study in Quebec. Summer went by really quickly, but I suppose being away from home can do that! I was able to relax a little bit at the end of the summer by going to New York with my best friend and then coming back for my last year of school. It certainly felt like I was going non-stop from schoolwork to more schoolwork, so the week in NYC was a nice reprieve.

This last semester, I ended up with a lot of work but I know that I was able to invest a greater amount of time and energy into each individual project, making each class more worthwhile. However, I had to postpone a class in order to do this, and may very well end up paying for it this year (and not just in terms of monetary value)! Oh well. I have about six courses left to finish up before I graduate, and I am praying that by the grace and strength of God that He will enable me to do what I need to do before April comes. I'm glad that the fall semester was not as intense as it allowed me to get involved with a great Bible study; honestly, the relationships that have emerged from this group have helped sustain me as I've been moving into my thesis year/semester.

So right now, I'm wondering what's next for this new year. I have no clue what will be happening after April other than that my best friend is getting married in July; at this point, that's the only thing that is certain after graduation :) Until April, I plan to be:
- ~~working on my thesis~~ (even more pages this time, ahh!)
- ~~taking a class on pastoral ministry~~
- ~~taking a class on church missions~~
- ~~completing a distance ed course~~ (sigh, not again!)
- ~~auditing a theology course from my undergrad~~ (I guess 2 1/2 months is enough)
- continuing my involvement with the weekly Bible studies
- savouring each moment I'm at church
- ~~helping with wedding activities/duties/etc.~~
- ~~planning a wedding shower~~
- ~~balancing thesis reading with fun reading~~, if at all possible
- ~~singing with some lovely seniors at a residence~~
- ~~somehow getting back into regular devotionals~~ (ugh, I'm sad that this won't happen until after I'm done school)
- ~~spending more time with the other seminarians before we all part ways~~
- ~~figuring out summer plans, namely travel plans!~~
- ~~arranging to take French classes, somewhere and sometime~~
- ~~meeting with former missions professors as often as I can~~
- dreaming about certain missions plans that my friends and I are concocting
- and praying lots more as I don't know how I can do any - especially not all - of these things without God in the midst of everything :)

"In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." - Philippians 1:6

Seesawing back and forth

2007-10-10T18:19:00.000-06:00

I think my Thanksgiving "weekend" was far too short, although I did manage to squeeze in a variety of things, such as attending a friend's wedding, assembling some furniture with my dad, hanging out with my best friend and her boyfriend, going to church, reading a few books, and eating two poultry dinners (one chicken and the other one turkey). I wish I could have fit more homework in there; that way I wouldn't have to play catch-up this week! It was nice to spend time with friends and family though and I'm grateful that I could take some time to just sit back and enjoy being with people. Wow, I have so many countless things that I am thankful to God for in my life :)

It's been a couple of interesting weeks for me as I've been readjusting to a tough semester (I think I may have mentioned this already so I may just be repeating myself here). I'm cutting back on a lot of things, most notably serving in ministry at my church somewhere. I felt absolutely guilty about this for all of September but finally realized that with my school demands, I had to be realistic. I still feel horrible that I'm in seminary and yet I'm not really participating in church life apart from the worship services and small group times - I wonder if this is common among other students? Sigh, I think I'll need to find a new topic to dwell about on here; this struggle between school and church is going to get the best of me for the next however many months until graduation!

A mini-breather

2007-10-05T21:44:00.000-06:00

Happy October! I cannot believe that it has taken me this long to finally sit down and collect my thoughts. Things have constantly been on the go since my last post in August. After my best friend visited me for a few days in Montreal and I got to do all the touristy things with her, we headed down to New York City. What a blast that was! We took in Broadway, Times Square, Brooklyn and all the other prerequisite attractions like museums and walking tours. And the food... I cannot even explain how great it was (one exception was the pretzel street vendors). It was as if everything was done gourmet-style there; honestly, their grocery stores like Dean & DeLuca and Whole Foods Market are so aesthetically pleasing and delicious to take in. What an experience it was overall! It would have been nice to post a few things on here while I was on my trip, but it was so much better not having internet access on my vacation that when I got back, I almost didn't want to go online again - thus the very inconsistent updates on my blog.

Anyways, I've been back at school for over a month now and it still feels like I'm not quite in the academic mode yet, although I should be since I've been handing in a some papers already! I have an extremely heavy course load this semester because I couldn't complete one of my classes during the summer. I am going a tad insane with the amount of things I have to do (my to-do list is over two pages long now!) but I'm thrilled that I just have a year left in my program :) I cannot wait until school is finished; I'm starting to refer to things as AG - after graduation - now, which isn't too good on my morale at the moment! I'm praying that in the midst of all this busyness that I won't miss time with God. It's so tempting to think that I can work my relationship with God "later" but one thing that really hit me this summer was that "later" is "now". So the next few weeks of my life are going to be quite the adventure as I wrestle with figuring things out like priorities and deadlines. You'd think that after being a student for many years that I'd finally figure this one out, but nope!

Well, I haven't given up on this blog yet. In fact, I think I'll be starting another one for a school assignment but I don't think I'll keep that one up long-term. I'm still pretty content with this one and happy that I can still come back whenever and drop a little note. Ahh, life is good and it's nice to be home.

A break of sorts

2007-08-13T13:58:00.001-06:00

So July 2007 is the first month on here that doesn't have any entries. I'm tempted to change the date on this post just to keep my archives consistent but I'll leave it for now :) I ended up not having any time at all to blog last month because I was at the university studying French. Living in residence and being about twenty minutes away from the computer lab meant that any time I had on the Internet was restricted to (my attempt to) keeping up on emails and registering for my classes this next year (a very stressful ordeal that has yet to be finalized). Now that I'm back with my friends, I have a bit more time to sort through all these things but I hate that I'm so dependent on the web for everyday things. Isn't it dreadful that it is near impossible to be away from email and etc. for a prolonged period of time? I was able to stop blogging for over a month because I had no other choice but I think I'd have a much harder time ceasing all other Internet activity. I suppose the problem lies with me and how much of my life is starting to become online... everything from buying textbooks to putting holds on books at the library to planning vacations, ahh!

Anyways, less of a rant and more of an update. I'm finished my French classes and am now on a mini-vacation. In a few days, my best friend will be flying out to Montreal to see me and then we'll both be heading down to the States for some travelling. I'm really excited as this is the perfect end to a summer of homework (first for my spring class and then for my language courses) and it'll be nice to have company as I make my way home. I've been homesick for a little while but it's been coming in stages. It was horrible when I was living in dorms but now that I've moved out, I know I'm really going to miss it here. I am happy that I'll be back in a few weeks but it feels a bit unreal at the same time. That's life in a nutshell for me lately - unexplainable but good. God has been faithful and I've had different opportunities to talk about Him and to Him throughout this summer internship. It's also nice knowing that I'm not the only one on an internship this summer and going through a weird transition period; I just met someone yesterday who is going through the same thing as me - currently completing a "stage" and going back to school in the fall for another year. While it is a lot to absorb, I'm glad I have a chance today to relax and think back on everything!

Getting there

2007-06-23T12:22:00.000-06:00

Well, I just handed in one of my assignments for my spring course and have just one more thing looming about me - the dreaded research paper. I'll probably work on that when I'm in Laval since I won't have as much incentive to go downtown (even if the Metro is there now, albeit a half hour away from me). So after this research paper is finished (what a glorious day that will be), I will be free to focus on my French classes and another internship/stage class I'm taking this summer. The only reprieve I'll get from all this schoolwork will be in the second half of August, which is only two months away :) Then, I'm back at it again for my last year in my program!

I'm so amazed at how God has brought me to where I am today, most notably in Montreal. The other day, I was thinking back to all the choices that have faced me and how my life would have turned out so differently if I had picked the other roads. For instance, if I had accepted the university's offer to go into nursing, would I later learn that I hated it or would I grow to love that occupation and be a nurse today? And what would have happened if I had not continued at Bible/Christian college and went into media/film studies as I intended halfway through? I suppose that would have meant I'd never meet the wonderful people I know here in Montreal. I guess those were big choices that led to such drastic changes in my life, but they were also precipitated by smaller decisions. All this to say, I love that God is in control and that I can always trust Him to bring about the greatest good in my life. So many things have happened that would otherwise be unfathomable.

Oh yeah, yesterday was my 4th blogiversary, wow!

YULblog, YYCblog?

2007-06-22T15:44:00.000-06:00

This is true. I've always wondered if there was a semi-definitive Calgary blog that contained all the latest news and civic events, and just plain Calgaria-stuff but I haven't found anything. That's too bad because I really enjoy reading Montreal city weblog and Metroblogging Montreal (and just recently, Midnight Poutine) - those are some of the best places to find new restaurants or to hear about recent festivals and such around town. I do hope something for Calgary gets started soon; I've been feeling an eensy-bit homesick and it'd be great to find out what's happening there :)

I exist!

2007-06-18T13:32:00.000-06:00

Goodness, I haven't updated on here much since I've arrived in Montreal! In fact, it took Esther's post to prompt me to write something :) It was cool to finally meet her and I'm glad she got to come out to my friend's launch party. Hurray for another Montreal blogger!

Here are a couple of things that I've been able to experience over the past few weeks in point-form:
- Eating lots of crêpes
- Consuming an abundance of Nutella
- Going inside the Chinese restaurant on Gouin and Sources
- Visiting Laval and the South Shore
- Exploring the Plateau
- Checking out the St. Viateur Street Festival
- Seeing a Quebecois television celebrity walk his dog (but not knowing who he was at the time)
- Watching the Simpsons in French
- Living with four other Quebecois roommates
- Gorging on desserts galore!
- Walking all over downtown to help a friend promote her album
- Helping out with a friend's launch party
- Getting takeout at Schwartz's
- Riding the Metro to destinations not previously encountered
- Carrying on odd conversations in Franglais
- Enjoying the Grande Bibliothèque (and meeting the decorum police there)
- Suffering from the humidity
- Walking on the Main during the Fringe Festival at least 4-5x
- Discovering that the closest grocery store is on a touristy/historical street
- Attending my French church and my English church
- Seeing a deck get built in our backyard
- Experiencing a "Chinese fondue"
- Playing volleyball and getting sunburned on my ear
- Finding out the delightful world of entrepôts
- Listening to great Quebecois music
- Running into several film shoots throughout the city
- Having wonderful spiritual conversations with friends
- Sharing my story of why I'm here with people I haven't met before
- Travelling to the West Island and remembering how long the journey is
- Hanging out with my French family from last year
- Taking many walks around the neighbourhood
- Being in awe of how amazing Montrealers are at parallel parking
- Walking to the Old Port with friends
- Wishing that my two papers were finished with already
- Picking up interesting Quebecois slang (and forgetting some of it)

Life a few provinces away

2007-06-02T15:21:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm in Montreal now and enjoying being on the other side of the country! I'm still adjusting to the humidity though, and especially summer humidity. I learned today that there are such things as humidity bugs; isn't that crazy?! I think I'm beginning to appreciate dry Prairie weather more now - after all, when it gets dry, you can always slap on more lotion and chapstick :)

While it's been nice hanging out with my friends and doing fun activities, I hate that I have homework hanging over my head all the time. At this point, all that is left are a research paper, lots of reading and an annotated bibliography (not to mention another course that I'm taking concurrently with my internship) but still, that's taking away from the full experience of being here. However, after I finished my final exam yesterday, I was able to take in the St. Viateur Festival de Rue, so that was excellent. I also bought some very freshly-made bagels, yum! I can't believe how inexpensive they are either; not only do you get wonderful Montreal bagels but they're at a fraction of the cost of bagels out west!

Since I'm living downtown this time, I've had the pleasure of observing street life and seeing how different it is from the suburbs. I'm sharing a place with my friends (maybe it could be described as a flat since it's not quite a house or an apartment?) and so it's been cool having roommates for the first time in my life. I'm always shocked that I have somebody to talk to; what a shift from the only child experience! Also, it's great to be immersed in French - by far, this has been one of the best immersion experiences I've had. I've remembered a lot of my vocab and I've been able to use my butchered French a bit more ;) Still a long ways to go from understanding people but I'm slowly getting there.

Anyways, I'm still without a plan for this month at this point so I'm just soaking up as much of the culture and language as I can. What a blessing that I've had my friends to help me with all that!

Clean slate

2007-05-27T20:57:00.000-06:00

Since I haven't been all that consistent with my blogging in the past year-ish, it really feels like a clean slate now that I'm getting back into it. Most of my readers from the first few years have either stopped blogging or they've stopped checking back here ;) So, it's somewhat strange knowing that I can express myself again without knowing who, if anyone, is reading my words. It's just like my early days of blogging where most of it was about rants on homework and procrastination (aha, not much has changed). It's crazy going back in the archives and seeing who I was then and what sort of ideas I was able to toss about; the even more fun part is seeing the other bloggers that I've had a chance to get to know a tiny bit. At this point, I am looking forward to what's in store and to seeing what great things God will do in my life. It feels like a solo journey for me on this blog but feel free to tag along, whoever you are :)

Life pre-travelling

2007-05-25T23:54:00.000-06:00

At this point, I have to admit that I'm a bit worried about getting everything ready before I move out east this summer. My spring class, as interesting as it is, is also quite demanding - in fact, I have to write a final exam this weekend! It's hard knowing that I won't be able to give my personal best to it but I guess that's reality. I have to curb my perfectionistic tendencies at some point, so I might as well start now ;) I read through some time management book earlier this year for one of my leadership classes and it listed a variety of reasons why people procrastinate; I think I've always known that my cause is perfectionism. I'm trying to be much better about starting things earlier but alas, I have not succeeded this time around for the spring semester. I just had too many things to do and even if I did temporarily kick my procrastination habit, I still would have been behind. Thus, I will have to lug my research with me across the country, which is horrible because it will make for heavier luggage and because it'll detract from the whole idea of "summer".

The one thing I don't tend to be late on though is packing. For some reason, I really enjoy the process of preparing a list and comparing it to previous packing lists and then calculating what I would need and such. I probably like it because it's analytical or something. But I am happy that I've been able to sneak in shopping a couple of times these past few weeks to get the things I need. Just one more shopping excursion and I should be ready (I'm making it a point to buy most of what I'll need beforehand because taxes double once I hit Quebec). I do have a lot from my previous time in Montreal but I go so often that my travel stuff depletes pretty quickly. Anyways, here's to hoping that I can complete everything that needs to be done before I go. God has been so good to help me get through a lot, but I know that I'm not being the best steward of time either. Sorry, Lord!